Both my parents are away next week. OK, I don’t live with them anymore, but I still go there most evenings. A little sad you may say, but think about it – a slap up meal cooked for you, free of charge. I’m onto a winner.
The problem now is feeding myself for the next week or so. Earlier in the week I went shopping at Sainsbury’s where I bought a selection of pizzas, pastas and pies – all part of a healthy diet. Hopefully these will see me through most of the week.
However what if my food supply runs out? I could start cooking meals where the ingredients have been grown, found or foraged, that doesn’t sound too tasty and could well kill me.
One thought I had is to find someone else to cook for me. Some ideas I currently have in mind…
– Buy a Thai Bride. I couldn’t find any on eBay, but after a quick search on Google they’re readily available. I only really need one for a week to cook so after the seven days have passed I can send her back home before her British passport arrives and we marry.
– Register on a dating website. In my profile I will order “1x woman. Trainee chef. Will not all anyone else to cook. Likes football”
– Kidnap Gordon Ramsey. We can have a laugh at what a twat Jamie Oliver is while he cooks me a pork casserole from his pet pigs he slaughtered on TV the last week.
– Call The Red Cross.
Any other ideas or offers of free food are most welcome.
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