Braintree (the team who Bath City played at the weekend) need new football manager. They are advertising for the new gaffer on their website. Yes, you read it right – on their website!

Therefore, I thought I would apply for the job. I quite fancy a change in career from IT support to football management.

To protect my application from the tabloids, I gave a fake name. Everything else on my application is the truth.

I will let you know if I get a reply…

Dear Mr. Harding,

I am writing to apply for the position of Braintree Town Football Club manager.

I have a vast range football knowledge and experience as a player, manager and a fan.

On Saturday 6th December, I attended Cressing Road to witness Braintree’s 4-0 defeat to Bath City. Although the defeat was heavy and the performance poor, I feel I can bring a lot to the team and turn 4-0 losses into 4-0 wins.

Across my career, I have worked alongside many well known-clubs, including Hereford United, Yeovil Town, Leeds United, Arsenal and Barcelona.

Honours I have won as a player and manager include European championships, The Premier League, Coca Cola Championship, League One and Two titles – experience I can put to great use in the Blue Square South.

I watch live football every week and have been a Sky Sports subscriber for many years. I have also met Ian Holloway in Asda.

I feel my love for the game, along with achievements on Fifa Soccer, put me in perfect stead to make the step up from video game management to real life management.

I will be unavailable for interview on 13th, 16th and 20th of December due to other footballing commitments.

Please keep this e-mail confidential. I would not like the news of my appointment to be broken by Jeff Stelling before it is official.

I look forward to your reply.

Alex Keegan