I had a day off work today. When I booked it, I envisaged getting back home late from Frankie Boyle on Sunday, plus I had a few things to sort out. I also had an annual leave day I had to use up before the end of April. It seemed like a good opportunity to use it.

Once business had been taken care of and I had washed, watered and fed myself, I went into town. Having not bought any clothes for what seems like years, I noticed my garments were getting a bit old and even starting to reject my own body. It was time to get some more.

After spending what seemed like hours in The Officer’s Club, Next, River Island and Burton’s, I eventually bought something which I thought I looked half decent wearing. The time spent in the clothes shops was certainly a change from the norm. I have been known just to pick whatever item I see first in George of Asda, pay and get out asap.

One thing I did notice today, everyone in the shops was incredible friendly. “Hi dude!” one assistant shouted as I browsed the jeans and hoodies. “Nice day isn’t it, dude”. It was nice to receive such a welcoming reception, especially from a fellow dude, but I was there to buy clothes. If I wanted a chat, I would have rung a call centre and said I wanted to take out double glazing.

I purposely went into town on Monday as opposed to Saturday as I thought it would be less busy. I was wrong. The place was still full of screaming children, being dragged around the shops by their screaming parents. Then there were the tourists – all with cameras and guidebooks, in groups oblivious to those walking around them. There was so many of them, representing every country of the world – it was like being at Arsenal’s training ground.

After a quick trip to McDonalds, I got the bus home to the safe and tranquillity of my flat.

Going shopping in town, regardless of what day of the week it is, is one of the most stressful things man will ever do! I’m looking forward to going back to the office tomorrow to calm down.