If you believe everything you read on the internet and the newspapers, Chelsea and England defender, Ashley Cole is a gay man. Of course, this is untrue (I don’t want to get sued here) and even if it was factual (which it isn’t), so what. It just makes a good blog title.

Ca$hley, as he is affectionately known by his bank manager, has however been in the news this time for shooting someone with a gun. Apparently this is true, although to avoid any court summons, I will add “supposedly”, “allegedly” and “only true in fairytales”.

I don’t think the shooting was anything like this scene involving Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator, although would love to think it was. No, according to the press (sue them, not me), Cole shot a work experience student with an air rifle.

What the ex-Arsenal player was doing with such a weapon at Chelsea’s training ground is anybody’s guess. “Once a Gunner, always a Gunner”, I assume. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

You do have to feel sorry for the kid who got shot though. Out of everyone it could have happened to, it was him. Surely there were people of less value and talent in the room at the time – Salomon Kalou, for example. It was also unfortunate Cole had the rifle and not Fernando Torres, who would have surely missed from 5 yards away. Apologies again for my poor attempt at humour.

Lastly, if read the title of this blog and expected gay pornography, I apologise.