Part 2 of my blog about last weekend, and don’t be expecting a Charles Dickens tale as I’ve left it late again and I’m tired.

After the meal debacle of the previous evening, it was a trip to Boreham Wood to watch Bath City. The trip to Meadow Park, home of “The Wood” was significant for me, for the fact that it was the 100th football ground I had visited. Here’s the full list of those attended…

Elland Road, Madejski Stadium, St. Mary’s, Ashton Gate, Twerton Park, Millennium Stadium, Home Park, Cossham Street, Lodge Road, The Conigre, Hayes Lane, York Road, Park View Road, City Ground, Nywood Lane, Treyew Road, West Leigh Park, Spytty Park, Hardenhuish Park, Hand Stadium, Whaddon Road, The Dripping Pan, Avenue Stadium, Woodspring Stadium, Silverlake Stadium, Gander Green Lane, Ship Lane, Wembley Stadium, Clarence Park, Church Road, The Playing Fields (Shepton Mallet), Beveree Stadium, Champion Hill, The Camrose

Still with me?

Cressing Road, Huish Park, Priory Lane, Woodside Park, Athletic Field, St. George’s Lane, The Tannery, Melbourne Stadium, Badgers Hill, Plainmoor, The Recreation Ground, Kingsmeadow, Bescot Stadium, Villa Park, Supermarine Stadium, New Lawn Stadium, The Crabble, Silver Street, Kayte Lane, The Wessex Stadium, Blundell Park, Wheatsheaf Park, Kingfield Stadium, Oaklands Park

* BREATH *

The Sports Ground, Broadfield Stadium, The Lamb Ground, Highbury Stadium, Abbey Stadium, Southfields Recreation Ground, Bootham Crescent, Kenilworth Road, Haig Avenue, Bridge Road, Racecourse Ground, Darlington Arena, Moss Lane, Aggborough, Rockingham Road, Holker Street, Field Mill, Penydarren Park, Raymond McEnhill Stadium, Plain Ham, New Bucks Head, Sincil Bank, Wordsworth Drive, Victoria Road, Longwell Green Community Centre, Nene Park, Lew Hill Memorial Ground

Not dead yet?

Edgeley Park, Ironmould Lane , North Street, Edgar Street, Homers Heath, Privett Park, Longmead Stadium, The Playing Fields (Wellington AFC), Fetcham Grove, The Meadow, New Lodge, Crown Field, Fairfax Park, The Enclosed Ground AND…. Meadow Park

So yes, I have visited 100 football grounds. To make things worse, the only people who probably give a shit have no doubt visited loads more than me and think my century is pretty pathetic.

So Boreham Wood. The hot bed of football. Renowned worldwide for its team. Or not. Upon visiting, Boreham Wood appeared to be more famous for its Elstree television studios, where Strictly Come Dancing is filmed. I will add, I am not a fan of the show at all, and on Saturday I was given more reason to dislike it, as every bar, restaurant and café on the high street close to the football ground was rammed; not with fans of sport, but fans of dance and reality television. Yup, Strictly Come Dancing audience members.

We gave up and walked to the football, haven not eaten. Luckily Boreham Wood Football Club make a delicious bacon roll, which did a good job at filling a hole in my stomach I had originally allocated for a trip to Wetherspoons.

The football. Errr… As anyone who reads my blog will know, I am a firm believer of the motto “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”. Therefore my comments on Boreham Wood FC are as follows

………

The only thing that really matters is Bath City won. A decent goal by Andy Watkins gave The Mighty Romans all 3 points. Andy Watkins is no relation to my friend John Watkins. I know this for certain. Not because of the contrast in athletic ability, but because if Andy and John were joined by blood, Bath City’s summer signing would have scored a hat trick of own goals and ran to me, laughing in an enraging mocking fashion.

After the match, the coach took us home, but abandoned us at Twerton Park. Oh well and good, except during the morning, many of us, myself included, boarded at Odd Down – some 3 miles up a hill. We were left in the cold for half an hour for the players’ coach to arrive and transport us on the remainder of our journey. It was worth the wait. The coach was luxurious. Leather seats, more televisions on display than in Dixons and a kitchen. Yes, fucking kitchen on a coach! Somebody told me the vehicle had been used by Everton last season, so it is quite likely I sat in the same seat as Marouane Fellaini. My claim to fame. All requests for autographs can be made through my agent.

Sunday was a day of rest. Well, a day of putting up the new Christmas tree we bought from Argos a few weeks earlier. It’s one of those fibre-optic ones, so once I had wrestled it all together, jammed the legs in place and torn the branches so they stick out a bit, all I had to do was turn it on. No need for decorating. It’s all very fancy and nice. Ho ho ho and all that stuff,