Apparently cockroaches can survive a blast from an atomic bomb, but can they avoid death from a smoking-related illness?
It’s Leeds United’s birthday today!
They have reached the big 100.
One hundred years old and Leeds are rotting in the second tier of English ⁷football.
Leeds are like a dear elderly relative in a depressing nursing home. Awful…
It is sad to see one of your loved ones, wandering through life, oblivious of everyone and everything around them, with no day-to-day plan, or what’s going on in general. Old age has left them confused, with a permanent aroma of excrement, which is impossible to hide, despite the best efforts of those around them. This is the state Leeds United have found themselves in… your relative probably doesn’t have half of these problems!
I wonder if Leeds got a telegram from The Queen?
Ever wondered what Her Majesty writes in the telegram?
Congratulations. It’s your birthday,
It’s time for lots of fun.
So roll this card up nice and tight
And stick it up your bum.
So now you know.
The English Football League wished Leeds a happy birthday, using social media. Given the club’s strained relationship with the EFL, such a move was never going to be a good idea – clearly somebody will be receiving their P45.
Here are just some of the predictable replies from Leeds fans…
Sums up the birthday rather well.
To non-football fans, or maybe even supporters of clubs who haven’t suffered dark days, Leeds United can best be compared to being in an abusive relationship. A relationship with a billionaire, who will buy you anything you desire. A relationship with the most incredible lover ever, who you share incredible sexual experiences with. A relationship where your billionaire partner regularly cheats on you. A relationship where, if you question where they have been, or have the audacity to breath in front of them, while they’re annoyed, they beat you black and blue.
Basically, supporting Leeds is like living with an amazing partner, who at times, brings you unprecedented joy; but is also capable of making your life a living hell.
That is my Leeds United in a nutshell.
Happy birthday, you loveable, horrible old bastard.
I would like to make it clear, that despite what I have written above, it should not all be taken literally. Old age is a serious problem in society and dementia is a terrible disease for those suffering from the condition, as well as their loved ones. Finally, domestic violence is abhorrent and while I used it in an attempt to describe how it feels to be a Leeds supporter, for the victims, nothing is comparable to the torture they live with day by day.
Some time last year, I blogged how Roman was overheard quacking like a duck.
Given the fact that at the time, he was barely much older than a baby bunny (a ‘kitten’, if you’re interested in the official term), along with me knowing the full storyline of The Ugly Duckling; I was getting concerned that one morning I would go downstairs, only to find a duck waddling around Roman’s cage, in place of our beloved pet!
Now, some 14 months later, I am pleased to reveal that Roman isn’t turning into a breed of waterfowl. The “quack”, which Claire and I heard at the time, was a sneeze!
We made the reassuring, yet bizarre discovery, this evening while watching a YouTube video of some rabbits sneezing. One of the bunnies sneezes just like a duck quacking – or, more importantly, just like Roman having a good old “a-choo!”.
Mystery solved.
What makes you think I got a bit wet on my way home tonight?
I don’t know what all the fuss in Japan is about!
What a rubbish episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire last night! There was no excitement or thrill. It was a waste of time and ruined my entire evening!
The reason for my disappointment? Nobody lost any money.
I am sure I can’t be the only one who takes pleasure in watching contestants becoming greedy, only to lose tens or even hundreds of thousands of pounds.
Either that, or crashing out early, by being a bit… well… stupid.
LOLz.
This is why I could never watch the show live in the studio. Not only would I be unable to hide my hilarity in some poor sod losing a fortune; when it comes to participating in the “ask the audience” lifeline, I would pick the wrong answer on purpose.
If 81% of the audience were meanies like me.
No contestant won big money Sunday, but at the same time, no cash was lost. Crap.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
