Was awoken in the middle of the night by some inconsiderate passengers shouting in the corridor outside our cabin. Regretted not sticking my head out of the cabin door, to see where the louts were staying, so I could return the favour in the morning – either by yelling by their room, or better still, switching the card on their door from “I’M RESTING” to “PLEASE MAKE UP MY CABIN” – I am sure any tired, hungover passengers would love to be awoken by a steward at some stupidly early time.

Claire and I slept in ourselves, so it was too late to go to the restaurant. Tried the buffet instead, but that was like a school jumble sale – a real free for all. Returned back to our cabin to order room service – something we should have probably done all along.

Have been abandoned by Claire for the final time this cruise. She has gone to see another Strictly themed event. I won’t miss all this ballroom dance stuff. Annoyingly, Claire informs me that the series returns to BBC1 next month. Sigh.

Today’s lunch was taken at the buffet. We should have learnt from last time – another reason to avoid the place. Managed to get half a tea cake and two slices of sponge cake, which was soaked in some kind of tasteless fluid. Whenever we go cruising again, we’ll steer clear of the buffet!

Stopped off at the shop on our return to the cabin and spent a lot of money. Was asked by the man on the counter if we were using up our on-board credit. Unfortunately, that privilege was used up a long time ago!

Back in our cabin, it was time to face the daunting task of packing the suitcase. Claire being organised had already done hers. Mine was going to be a challenge, especially as two weeks’ worth of dirty laundry was scattered near my side of the bed. Claire kindly used her powers, which can only be described as magical, to neatly pack all my belongings.

A potential disaster has just been avoided. Claire’s Mum has just informed us that we will require our disembarkation paperwork, when leaving ship tomorrow. To her horror, Claire realised that she had packed it, right at the bottom of her own suitcase. Cue a very stressed wife leaping from her seat in the Headliners Theatre, sprinting up eight flights of stairs and running back to our cabin, to rescue our credentials from her luggage, before it was taken away. Luckily, Claire got there in time, recovered the paperwork and even made it back to the theatre in time for the show, which was very good and a nice way to the cruise from the entertainment team.

I wasn’t too impressed with the main course of my evening meal – cheese and onion soufflé. In the past, soufflés I have eaten are crispy on top and fluffy inside. This was just soggy throughout. I don’t wish to complain, as generally the food from the restaurant has been excellent, with a fabulous service from all the staff. Generally, if I have disliked a dish, it has been down to personal taste. Well done to all the catering staff.

Went to the photo gallery, after our meal. We had ordered a DVD of the cruise, which was only available for collection from the final day. The queue to pick up our disc was half the length of the ship, with some very disgruntled and rude customers. However, frustrated you are with waiting, there is no need for rudeness.

Once we finally collected our DVD, we decided to have one last drink, to commemorate the final night. I chose a double vodka and lemonade… well, a small splash of lemonade. Claire has two, that’s TWO, strong cocktails. This is after she said she wasn’t going to drink, as it was too late.

Now in bed. All are cases are packed, have been removed and are now no doubt in some storeroom, deep in the bowels of the ship. As we are going to wake up in England, the clocks have gone back an hour – therefore, while it has actually just gone midnight, all the clocks and phones in our cabin say we are a few minutes past 11pm. Problem is we are up at 7, for a busy day and drive home. I’d better get to sleep, for the last time aboard Britannia.