I made a very disturbing discovery this morning… In our porch, just outside the front room, I saw a pair of legs on the floor. Before you all worry, Oscar Pistorius hasn’t escaped to Bath from his South African jail. These limbs belonged to a creature – a creature that I can only guess is a spider!
Claire is very house-proud, so as soon as I informed her of the gruesome discovery, she grabbed her beloved Dyson and sucked up the legs. Along with the legs, Claire also managed to find the dead body of a big, hairy spider. Despite being very much deceased, it went up the vacuum cleaner.
I am sure that you are all wondering what the problem is. Yes, we found a spider, but it was dead and is now surrounded by fluff, Rice Krispies and anything else that went up the Dyson’s tube. What’s more, it can’t even escape from the dusty grave, as it is minus two legs, oh and it’s dead!
The problem, my friends, is this – what the hell maimed and killed the huge spider? Whatever it was, is still alive and at large…
Pray for me.
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