My blog has been in existence for over a decade. In that time, it has brought unprecedented joy to millions. Do I get any thanks for my hard blogging? No. You’re all welcome though. I don’t run this website for the money, although if you would like to send some, as gratitude, let me know and I’ll tell you my bank account number, sort code and mother’s maiden name, so you can make the transfer.

During my blog’s ten years, there have been zero complaints. OK, there was a Manchester United fan a few years ago who took exception to me having a laugh at his team getting beat by Lille in the Champions League. I mean come on, I was only having a joke. I’ll let him off. Most supporters of that club are of lesser intelligence than everyone else and laughing at their misfortune would be like kicking a three-legged, blind puppy.

However, today, I have BIG NEWS! In my mailbox, I received this complaint.

Dear Sir,

I wish to express my disappointment in a recent article that was published on this blog.

Firstly I have been a regular reader of this blog for a number of years and have been entertained on a regular basis by its whimsical content, digest of local news and events and general bemoaning about a lacklustre ‘football team’ you refer to as ‘Leeds’.

You may however be very close to turning this reader away!

An article published by yourself on the 10th of June 2014 indicating your out of character lack of planning forced you to seek sustenance from an unusual source, namely ‘the sandwich man’.

The very crux of this article being that your rather bland choice of sandwich was unavailable and had to be sourced locally by this ‘sandwich man’.

You clearly stated in your article ‘I’ll let you know what time the sandwich arrives and how much I am charged’

This however does not appear to be the case and my last two night have certainly been sleepless ones!

If this matter is not rectified at your earliest convenience I will forthwith refrain from reading your blog.

Your sincerely

A Butters fan

After giving the complaint much thought, care and attention, I have come to a decision as how it will be dealt with. I have carefully located and highlighted it within Outlook, lifted my right index finger and pressed the DELETE button on the keyboard.