Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer annoyed the garbage men and they stopped collecting his rubbish? I think something similar has happened to me.
While I cannot speak for the residents of the other four flats in my building, I don’t think I have pissed off the refuse collectors of Bath and North East Somerset, unless during some drunken cider-induced rampage I spray painted BIN MEN SMELL OF WEE on the side of their lorry.
For some reason, for the past three weeks they have not been empting our bins. It is getting to the stage where the outside of the flats is beginning to look like the training facilities at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi.
I have taken drastic action. Like every proud Englishman, I wrote a letter. Actually, I sent an email – we’re living in the 21st century and stamps cost money. Plus I’m too lazy to walk across the road and past the mountains of bin bags to stick the envelope in the post box.
Tomorrow morning, some admin assistant at BANES will receive my email, informing them of the latest health hazard to be bestowed upon the Georgian city, in the form of a million bin bags, piled high outside a set of flats in Newbridge.
There was an option on the website to send a complaint. I refrained from this. Firstly as the form wanted everything from my mothers maiden name to my inside leg measurement – why so much information was required for a simple moan, I do not know. Besides, I was worried that if I sent a complaint about a bin man, he would gather all his mates together and do a poo thorough my letterbox.
Needless to say, ‘Bob The Bin Man’ or whatever he’s called will not be getting a fiver in a card or a tin of Roses come Christmas. Hopefully by next Wednesday, he will find it possible to undertake his job and clear the ever-growing mound of rubbish, which is fast becoming the Eighth Wonder of the World.
The results for the Race to reply compo set earlier in the month are in…
To announce the standings, I give you David O’Leary…
In third place is the landlord. He took the longest to reply to the original email. In the end, it was promised he would visit the flat to fix the broken tap today. I’ll let you guess whether he came or not…
In second spot is EDF Energy. They took over a week to reply; clearly they don’t care whose gas meter the readings are provided for, as long as they get their sweet, sweet money.
In first place, the champion, BANES. The promise of hundreds of pounds in the form of council tax money, obviously spurred them on to reply in under a week.
Below is an email sent to the company behind the Just for Men hair-dye range. Following their recent TV advertisement, I am sure there are millions of people, like me, wondering if the bloke on the advert got the job and why he needs “MORE TIES!”
Dear SirMadam
I have a query which I have been unable to get the answer to on your FAQ pages.
My question does not relate directly to your Just For Men hair dye range, for I am not a user. Since the age of 22, I have been totally bald. I put this down to the fact both my father and grandfather are also hairless on top. I am sure if I was fortunate enough to be blessed with hair, I would at least consider your product, should I start to go grey.
No, the reason I have contacted you is as a keen TV viewer, I have seen your advertisement where a young girl introduces her father to your hair dye product ahead of an important job interview.
Upon his return, he informs his daughter “Darling, it looks like I’m going to need more ties”
While the quality of the acting leaves a lot to be desired and surely does not reflect the product, my wife and I have developed a bit of an interest with the lives of the man in the advert and his daughter.
We would like to know the outcome of the job interview. Why does he need more ties? Can we assume he was successful and will need more ties for his job, and if so, what job was it? Did he fail and will therefore need more ties for future interviews?
I am sure I am not the only person who has contacted you about this issue. Do you have any plans to release a follow up advertisement showing an update in the life of the gentleman and his daughter? Maybe we could see him in his new job, if he indeed got it.
One final question. Do Just for Men plan to introduce any products just for women? My wife is as grey as our Irish Wolfhound and would like her flowing brunette look back.
Kindest regards,
Alex Keegan
I will let you know if Alex receives a reply, if the grey-haired man on the advert got the job and if Mrs. Keegan is able to get some Just For Men to use on her own hair.
This morning, I have been sending emails, all about separate pressing issues.
One went to my energy supplier, EDF – they have the wrong details for my gas meter.
Another email was sent to my landlord – the cold tap in the bathroom is broken.
My final email was sent to BANES Council. They sent me my council tax bill for 2010/2011, but forgot to let me know my monthly payments, instead expecting me to pay the annual bill in one go. I assume they have confused me with a Premiership football player or someone who can afford to do such a thing.
Who will reply first? The race is on!!!
In the words of Murray Walker - "It's GO! GO! GO!"
I have just had an argument with an Indian call centre operator trying to sell me gas and electricity.
I get a lot of sales calls on my land line, despite requesting my number be barred from such activity – most of the time I just apologise and hang up.
This time though, I stupidly gave the operator a chance. Maybe it was because I had recently received a large fuels bill and thought, by a miracle, I would save money. Maybe it was just because I was feeling nice… whatever – I wish I hadn’t gone ahead with it now.
After telling the operator how much I paid to my current supplier, I was predictably given a cheaper quote (from NPower). I thanked the operator for the advice, and agreed to go and carry out my own investigations before changing suppliers. Big mistake!
I was immediately transferred to the operator’s supervisory who reeled off a long list of savings I would make (“You pay £8.71 the first month, followed by £9.23 each subsequent month and then £12.52 after 6 months…”) It was just like from the famous Fonejacker sketch.
I know these companies make commission from introducing customers like me to energy providers, but I was not prepared to take the word of a random caller and sign up for a new provider over the phone. I did agree to take the companies website address and take a look in my own time.
At this point, the supervisor turned furious, accusing me of being sceptical, threatening to transfer my details to NPower anyway (therefore breaking the law) and constantly repeating the fact he would call me back, despite being told that I didn’t want to speak to him again. He even accused me of not knowing how to use a computer as I hadn’t compared prices online before.
To make matters worse, he didn’t even offer to upgrade my internet service providings or give me free ring-dings (OK, that last bit was another Fonejacker reference)
I may well go ahead and look to NPower, but after tonight’s telephone call, will NOT be using the company who called. I will approach NPower direct or use an alternative comparison service.
Never again will I trust a sales call.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
