Regular listeners to Danny Baker’s radio show on BBC Radio FiveLive, will know those five words should never be issued at a football match, regardless of how well one’s team is performing.
Before tonight, the last time I shouted out the infamous catchphrase, albeit tongue-in-cheek, was during the previous season. Bath City were playing an evening game at Twerton Park against Bishop’s Stortford. It was well into the second half, with the scoreline 2-0 in Bath’s favour. Almost immediately after issuing the cursed cry, ‘Bish’ scored a goal – followed by a further two, winning the match 3-2. To this day, I hold myself responsible for the defeat.
In recent months, I have been tempted to repeat the moto. 5-1 up away from home (again, against Bishop’s Stortford) and even while beating Willand 5-0 in the FA Cup; yet I daren’t make the same mistake twice… until tonight.
This evening, we faced Woking at Twerton. Woking have been doing very well of late and following our own recent exits from both the FA Trophy and Cup, I was less than optimistic of a victory. However, this all changed 10 minutes into the game, when City found themselves 2-0 up.
Halftime and Bath were winning 3-0 and continued their dominance. I then, without a moments thought for the wellbeing of Bath City F.C., issued the words “nothing can go wrong now” – I even texted them to a fellow fan.
This blatant act of stupidly and disregard for an entire football club was mindless on my part. However, maybe the tides on this terrible curse have turned. Maybe there is no such thing as the ‘”Nothing can go wrong now” jinx’. Maybe the Gods mistook me for a Woking supporter. Whatever happened, the game changed – even more in City’s favour…
Woking’s goalkeeper, who will surely be tested by The FA for crack, LSD and WKD come fulltime, made the absolutely hilarious error of kicking the ball directly into one of Bath’s strikers. The forward didn’t even need to move, as he watched the ball hilariously trickle into the open net, giving City an unassailable 4-0 lead. Bath went on to get a 5th, minutes later, putting the game, and the curse, to bed.
I am now making it my one mission in life to inform everyone that it is now OK to use the previously forbidden five words. Football fans everywhere can now throw away their Rosary Beads. The prayer mats can all be left at home. Whenever a manager or coach needs a result from his team, leave the ‘super sub’ on the bench. All everybody needs to do is shout at the top of their voices “Nothing can go wrong now!”
I had a bizarre dream the other week involving 606 presenter Danny Baker, a taxi, a hot air balloon and Inverness.
As part of an ongoing 606 theme, I e-mailed my story into BBC Radio FiveLive and it was read out last night, to the amusement (or should that be bemusement) of Sir Baker and his assistant Izzy. You can listen to my claim to fame here * – 17:43 in.
* for the next six days
Tim Lovejoy. Known for his highly over exuberant and often ridiculous opinions on football (e.g. “Frank Sinclair is the greatest player to have ever graced the planet”)
I made the mistake of listening to his 606 football podcast before bed – big mistake…
Last night I dreamt England won the World Cup. For some reason, the final was being played at Twerton Park.
As featured on Danny Baker’s 606 – a very special version of Bohemian Rhapsody, where every syllable is replaced with a football players name.
Genius
Is this the real life?
TWISS FISH MCGREAL CRUYFF
Is this just fantasy?
TWISS FISH BUSST MANN LUZHNY
Caught in a landslide
VOGTS RIMMER BRAND HYDE
No escape from reality
YEO JESS TAIT SONG MCGREAL GUTI
Open your eyes
BOPP PEN ALPAY
Look up to the skies and see
COOK JUPP PUGH KERR DAEI PRESSLEY
Im just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
HAIM BUSST IPOUA ROY DAEI REID YEO GYNN MATHIE
Because I’m easy come, easy go
MEE GOSS HAIM GEE LEE BUNN GEE LEE YEO
A little high, little low
BA LYTTLE DAEIL LYTTLE YEO
Anyway the wind blows
DANI FAYE KERR BLIND KLOSE
Doesn’t really matter to me
COUSINS SEALEY MATHERS PUGH GEE
To me
PUGH GEE
Mama, just killed a man
PALMER BUSST FRIEL HAMANN
Put a gun against his head
POTTER BUNN MCCOIST TWISS FRED
Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead
GOULD CARRAGHER HOWE PREECE STEAD
Mama, life had just begun
PALMER CRUYFF STEAD BUSST GEE GUNN
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away
BUTT HOWE HYDE JOHN SAND BROWN GRITT BALL ALPAY
Mama, ooo
LAMA PUGH
Didn’t mean to make you cry
GITTENS BREEN PUGH LAKE GREW FREI
If I’m not back again this time tomorrow
DIOUF HAIM WATT JACK, FAGAN, TWISS, GRIMES PUGH MORROW
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters
BARRY LONG BARRY LONG SMITH DUFF GYNN SEALEY MATHERS
Too late, my time has come
PUGH PATES TUGAY RANSOME
Sends shivers down my spine
BENT CHIVERS BROWN DAEI VINE
Body’s aching all the time
DODD REECE HAY KING BALL KERR VINE
Goodbye everybody. I’ve got to go
WOOD FREI D’AVRAY COTTEE HYDE GUTI LOWE
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
POTTER HEATH PUGH BALL LEE HEINZE CASE KERR HUTH
Mama, ooo
BRAMMER PUGH
I don’t want to die
DAEI BRUNT HUNT PUGH FREI
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all!
DAEI BUNN GRIMES FISH HYDE WEBBER BREEN HORNE PLATT BALL
I see a little silhouetto of a man
FACEY BA LYTTLE SILVA ETO HUTH HAMANN
Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?
DIARRA BRUCE DIARRA BRUCE BRILL KANU HAMANN BRANCO
Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me
YOUNG KERR HOULT SAND BRIGHT KING VIEIRA VIERI FREI LING LEE
Galileo, galileo
BAILEY MAYO
Galileo, galileo
BAILEY MAYO
Galileo figaro-magnifico
BAILEY MAYO FIGO LAW HAGI ZICO
But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me
BUTT HAIM BASTOCK LAW ROY YEO MOODY GROVES LEE
He’s just a poor boy from a poor family
PREECE BASTOCK MOORE ROY SONG IPOUA MORALEE
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
CLARE GYNN TWISS CRUYFF SONG TWISS LONG ROSS GUTI
Easy come easy go, will you let me go
CISSE DUNNE CISSE YEO HILL PUGH BETT LEE YEO
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. Let him go
TWISS MILLER YEO GEE HILL WATT BETT PUGH YEO – BETT WYNNE YEO
Bismillah! We will not let you go. Let him go
TWISS MILLER LEE HILL WATT BETT PUGH YEO – BETT WYNNE YEO
Bismillah! We will not let you go. Let me go
TWISS MILLER LEE HILL WATT BETT PUGH YEO – BETT LEE YEO
Will not let you go. Let me go
HILL WATT BETT PUGH YEO – BETT GEE YEO
Will not let you go. Let me go
HILL WATT BETT PUGH YEO – BETT GEE YEO
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
ROWE FLO CROWE YEO LOWE PYO DEFOE
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
BRAMMER FEAR BRAMMER FEAR BETT LEE CROWE
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me
FRIEL LEBOUEF CASPER NEVILLE BUSST BA HYDE GORRE LEE GORRE LEE GORRE LEE
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?
LOWE PUGH LINKE PUGH LAHM STONE LEE SAND GRITT GYNN LI TIE
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
LOWE PUGH LINKE PUGH LAHM LOVE LEE SAND GREAVES LEE TUGAY
Oh baby, can’t do this to me, baby
YEO DAVEY DURRANT PUGH TWISS PUGH LEE DAVEY
Just gotta get out. Just gotta get right outta here
BUSST POTTER BETTS KUYT BUSST POTTER BETTS RIDEOUT KINNEAR
Nothing really matters
DUFF LING SEALEY MATHERS
Anyone can see
BENNI MCCARTHY
Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me
DUFF LING SEALEY MATHERS DUFF LING SEALEY MATHERS PUGH GEE
Any way the wind blows…
DANI GREY KERR BLIND KLOSE
Following a comment on my blog about a confusing FiveLive jingle, I decided to e-mail the BBC to find out more…
Hello,
Could you please explain the meaning behind the new radio jingle “at home and now in car”
As far as I was aware, assuming your car has an AM or DAB radio, FiveLive has always been available ‘in car’, just as it has at home.
Is there something I am missing?
Many thanks,
Yesterday, I received the reply
Dear Sean
There are now two ways to listen to DAB digital radio in your car.
The first is to fit a DAB radio where your existing Radio /CD player is.
The second is an add-on that is powered from the in-car power socket.
The Radio is attached to your windscreen (like a Sat Nav) and recieves
DAB stations then transmits them to your car radio on an FM frequency.
Best wishes
5 live
Besides spelling ‘receives’ incorrectly, the BBC also failed to answer my question, which was WHAT IS THE POINT IN THE NEW JINGLE? Oh well…
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
