There is a long-running job throughout football, regarding Newcastle United and the fact that they haven’t won a major trophy for over half a century – currently 65 years and counting.

TROPHY WINNING LEGENDS *

Well all the guffaws can stop right here, right  now. Newcastle’s long run without a major honour has come to an end…

This evening, they beat Rochdale 4-1 in the FA Cup. Before you congratulate them on their victory, you should be aware that the Magpies haven’t won the FA Cup. Tonight’s game was only the third round of that tinpot competition. Their prize is far greater than any cup, trophy or shield; for Newcastle United are now the proud holders of THE ROMAN CHALICE.

Eoghan O’Connell opened the scoring for the Chalice heroes. He will now forever go down in folklore as a Newcastle United legend and discussions are already underway to build a statue of O’Connell outside the club’s stadium, St James Park. The mayor of Newcastle has also promised him the key to the city.

Not bad, for the young Irishman, considering he doesn’t even play for Newcastle! Eoghan is technically a Rochdale player, but it was his own goal in the 17th minute that he believes inspired his beloved Magpies to lift the Chalice.

“I have always wanted to score for a Premiership team, you know.”, said O’Connell. “When I found out that Rochdale would be playing against the Toon Army, I knew this was my opportunity to put the name Eoghan O’Connell on the map”.

When asked about how he prepared for the fixture, O’Connell confirmed “I have been training since the draw was made. I was determined to give 110 percent and score for Newcastle.”

“At the end of the day, whether it came off my foot, head or backside, I didn’t care. Luckily, when my chance came along, I was in acres of space and was able to take it. I was as pleased as punch when I put the ball in the back of the net. Goals win games.”

Congratulations Newcastle United and Eoghan O’Connell **

An open top bus parade will take place tomorrow. Newcastle fans are encouraged to attend and get a glimpse of the Roman Chalice. It may be their only chance to see it, considering the club will probably lose to Chelsea at the weekend and relinquish the honour.

* right, before you all send me abuse, I am all too aware that this is not Newcastle United. It is the Welsh national football team. I don’t know the age of the photograph – I used Google image search – but am aware that it is a long time ago!

** and if you believe those quotes were actually from Eoghan O’Connell, you’re more gullible than those who voted for Brexit, thinking that the NHS would get £350 million if we left the EU.

It is a dark day and a terrible start to the new year for Accrington Stanley – the milkman.

The once proud holders of the Roman Chalice, were today defeated, losing 2-1 at home to Rochdale.

It is safe to say that the football club, famous for its love of milk, well and truly lost their bottle and now the Chalice!

Still, there’s no point crying over it, is there…

Well, well, well! Portsmouth Football Club can’t have thought much about the highly sought-after trophy, the Roman Chalice.

Having only become the holders of the honour last week, they surrendered it with a whimper this weekend.

While Leeds were throwing away a 3-0 lead to Cardiff City (something I am still yet to recover from), Portsmouth were rolling over to Accrington Stanley.

Congratulations to Accrington, but commiserations to Pompey – fancy losing to a team made famous by milk…

The Roman Chalice changed hands again last night. Despite a valiant battle, Northampton Town were unable to avoid defeat to Portsmouth, and as such, the trophy heads to the south coast.

There was controversy around Pompey’s victory, however…

The fixture in which Northampton played Portsmouth and ended up losing the Chalice is a bit of a crap one. The EFL Trophy. Even the name screams dog poo.

Most of the lower league clubs who enter the competition don’t take it seriously – although, I’m sure had Northampton realised that they were defending the Roman Chalice, no doubt they would have tried harder.

The reason why associating the Roman Chalice with the EFL Trophy is controversial, is not because nobody seems to take the damn thing seriously, but because some Premier League sides are invited to play their reserve side in the competition.

Therefore, if the Liverpool kids were to take on Portsmouth and win, where should the Chalice go?

The Roman Chalice Committee – me – have come to a decision on what will happen, in order to prevent such a situation arising. Any fixture involving a reserve team, will be deemed null and void.

So there you go. Controversy solved. Simples. Put me in charge of FIFA – I can solve all those difficult problems.

The FA Cup has struck again!

One of the greatest and oldest cup competitions, has played another part in one of the greatest and newest cup competitions… The Roman Chalice!

This afternoon, Chalice holders, Chippenham Town were beaten 3-0 by Northampton Town in the FA Cup.

Get the champers out, guys! You have reason to celebrate.

This means that The Chalice has left Non-League and entered the Football League.

Will Northampton Town manage to keep hold of the Chalice for as long as the previous holders – Bath City, Slough and Chippenham – or will they surrender it as early as next weekend, when they face Crewe Alexandra?