This evening I went to Mr. White’s house. His parents are away on holiday and therefore he threw one of his infamous house parties. These parties are great for the guests yet hell for the neighbours.

Sitting in the garden, avoiding the general melee, I could hear some awful metal band (possibly Slipknot) playing upstairs, while on the ground floor, an alteration between drum & bass tunes (which I hate), Kasabian, Killers and The Libertines blared out. The excellent Mr. Brightside track must have been played 50 times, yet whoever had access to the MP3 collection would never play the song in its entirety. I did think about compiling a Winamp playlist of my favourite tracks and locking the PC, but that would have caused a riot.

The evening started off as planned with a BBQ. I went shopping in Somerfields after work. Having not been overly impressed with their choice of meats, I decided just to get a Tikka Masala to stick in the oven. The curry looked like baby pooh but tasted surprisingly good. The barbecue could have been better. I think the coals which were being used to cook the meat had fallen victim to the recent storms and were struggling to get hot in their sodden state.

I don’t think the lack of barbecued food was enough to ruin the evening for most of the guests, who filled themselves with copious amounts of beer, vodka and Jack Daniels.

I had to be on my best behaviour when it came to the alcohol (not a problem for me as I very rarely drink in excess anyway). My football trainer Simon was also at the party and any hint of drunkenness on my part would not have pleased him, even though all the best footballers go out on benders ever Friday night (probably).

I am sure Thierry Henry goes to his local pub every Friday after training, drinks 10 pints of Stella throughout the afternoon before moving onto the Vodka and Redbull which he’ll consume throughout the evening and then finally head to the kebab shop where he’ll feast on a calorie filled snack before vomiting into the gutter outside his multi-million pound crib.

Overall a good evening. I got into a taxi just before midnight, leaving a house filled with 20+ people, most of them I had never seen in my life. I am sure the party is still going on now and will do long until the night. The only thing that can stop the festivities now is if the house burns down, the booze runs out or the police come calling, and even they would have a task on their hands.

If you are a resident of Southdown Road, Bath. May God have mercy on your soul.