This afternoon I did my monthly “big shop” at Sainsbury’s and reminded myself yet again why I should take advantage of the online delivery service. The whole shop was crawling with frustrated people pushing trolleys through grid locked aisles like cars on the M42.

As I rarely cook for myself and therefore require very little food in my cupboards, my shop primarily consisted of liquid based products, including 12 bottles of Lucozade Sport and 24 cans of Coca Cola, fruit, salad and a vast quantity of Muller yoghurts. See my trolley.

Muller yoghurts, bananas, apples and 12 bottles of Lucozade Sport.. All part of a healthy diet.

While on my travels up and down the aisles, I also noticed that Sainsbury’s were now stocking Christmas stock. *sigh* Too early, far too early. I won’t be getting my Christmas tree out for at least another 5 weeks!

Merry Christmas everybody! Ho ho ho!

I also found out that, with the possible exception of my friend Mr. Goater, all Sainsbury’s employees don’t give a shit about customer satisfaction. I was hunting around for some new pillows for my bed as the current ones I have are as flat as a witch’s tit. I was unable to find them myself, so approached a member of staff. He must have been 7 foot tall and 9 stone – lanky streak of piss. When asked where the pillows were located I as told “Up there near aisle 9, I think”. Basically a polite way of saying “Fuck off, this is a Sunday, I’m hung over from last night and I don’t want to help twats like you”

Needless to say the pillows were not on aisle 9 and I only found them by a stroke of luck when paying for my shop. Some thoughtful sole had placed them next to the checkout. God bless that person. I am sure it was you Mr. Goater, can you now do my shopping for me?