I received a disturbing text message this afternoon. Dan was rather displeased about the infrequency of my blogging, so sent me threats of violence via SMS. I was shocked and had to sit down as I was so perturbed.
I could have done one of three things. Firstly, ignore his threats of violence and hope he doesn’t come after me with a machete. Secondly, contact my KGB buddy, Valentin Zukovsky, and ask that he “takes care of Dan” with some poison. Or, simply take the easy solution and just write a blog.
I chose the third option…
This evening, I went to Sainsbury’s to do a bit of shopping. After money had changed hands, I headed for the exit, wheeling my shopping trolley past fellow customers, all of whom pissed me off, simply by getting in my way.
While racing down the side of the shop, I notice something quite bizarre – a box full of cat food, kitty litter and animal toys. This box had been placed in store to encourage animal-loving customers to buy presents for unwanted felines.
I’m sure that Mr. Jay Sainsbury was more than happy to place such a container in his shop, after all every time a customer makes a donation, Jay makes a nice profit. Why anybody would want to buy a treat for some mangy cat that they will never see and will probably be put to sleep by New Year, is a mystery to me.
I suppose there was no chance of a box being made available where customers could donate food, which would be sent to the third world? Maybe Jay could donate something himself? The whole thing reminded me of a sketch by David Mitchell and Robert Webb.
I did ask a spokesman for Sainsbury’s about the matter. He would like to remain anonymous, so I’ll just call him S. Goater, no that’s too obvious, Simon G…
Simon G. said that his company are planning to help other charities in the future, including “Free the Mad Bears”. After my encounter with a cashier on Checkout #8 this evening, I think the mad bears have already been set free, and are working in the shop!
In case you were wondering what was purchased in Sainsbury’s, it wasn’t just groceries. All will be revealed in Fridays blog…
Here is a collection of photos from my visit to Plymouth yesterday.
As you can see, Plymouth is shit.
I liked this ship outside the casino. A drunken sailor must have gambled it and lost.
The term “tin hut” comes to mind.
Leeds captain Kevin Nicholls and striker Jermaine Beckford begged that I have my photo taken with them.
Oooh and that’s a bad miss!
Those crazy home fans
They predict a riot
The child snatching mascot flees when confronted by the police.
Don’t let them score, Leeds!
You had better score, Leeds
Full time. Leeds win. I’m happy.
Now let’s get out of this urine soaked hell-hole!
Mr. John Watkins and Simon both came to mine last night. The evening was a relatively uneventful one. The lack of any violence, wine spillage and flatulence from John, were all welcome however.
Instead, we just watched Friday night television. I’m not normally a fan of the kind of entertainment shown on such evenings, but this week there were two shows starring David Mitchell, who is funny and always worth watching.
After TV, I set up the Nintendo 64 and we had a game of GoldenEye. Unlike last week, I was able to get the sound working, so I could actually hear the bullets from my Walther PPK entering Boris Grishenko’s chest, breaking his ribs and organs.
Boris is John’s character of choice and to be fair, he killed me a lot more than I killed him. The normally grey suite of my Siberian Special Forces guy was red and bloodied. If GoldenEye was real life though, I would have won. My buddies in the KGB would have just poisoned his fish supper.
I’m off to Plymouth shortly, daawn saafh (I believe that is how they talk on the south coast). As a member of the Leeds United Faithful, I am making the trip to watch the Giants of Yorkshire take on the Titans of Devon (making both teams seem normal size).
As you probably know, Leeds have been somewhat disappointing of late. Instead of winning games like they did last year, the players seem to have taken the attitude that losing 3-0, 4-0 or 5-1 is acceptable, much to my frustration.
Still, I am sure today will be different and when the Leeds players walk out on the pitch and notice the efforts I have made to make the trip, they will give 110% and beat Plymouth 6-0. Yeah right…
I have been informed recently, that the England national side will be playing in a cricket competition, known as “The Ashes” over the next few weeks. I know very little about “The Ashes”, let alone the cricket, I know it is played with a bat.
As a patriotic Englishman, I would like to wish very best of luck to the whole national side – Rooney, Lampard, Neville, Sven, go and do your country proud.
I believe you can watch the whole tournament on Sky Sports. After watching a bit of their coverage today, I was rather amused. Can anyone confirm whether this clip is a blooper or the presenter just taking the piss out of a man called Sean Pollock?
As you probably know, I have been off work all week and have had a particularly pleasant break. I saw two entertaining football matches, watched a hilarious show from David Mitchell & Robert Webb, did lots of Christmas shopping (as well as making the odd buy for myself), enjoyed various James Bond movies and socialised with friends, including Dan, who came to Bath for the weekend.
Now the fun is over and it’s back to work tomorrow. My bank balance is looking rather unhealthy, all the recent activity has made me very tired and I’m not overly enthusiastic about going back to the office, or having to get up at some god forsaken hour.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my job, but I enjoy living a life of leisure more. These people who say that if they won the lottery, they would carry on working are either very dull or very big liars. If I won the lottery on Wednesday night, I wouldn’t be in work on Thursday morning.
Still, no need to get depressed, I’ll be back in the swing of things in a day or two. Before I know it, I’ll be having a laugh with colleagues while drinking coffee and surfing the internet when I should be working. Shortly after that, I’ll also have been paid, my bank balance will look healthy again and my next annual leave break will be just weeks away. Then the whole process will start all over again…
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
