I feel sick. Sick with fear. This evening, I was unexpectedly attacked by a spider in the kitchen of my flat. It just sat on the kitchen floor, fearless, while I lay in the corner of the room, quivering like a beaten puppy.
Worst of all, my only means of defence, spider killing spray, was in the cupboard BEHIND where the spider was sat. I ran to the bathroom to collect the most unpleasant and dangerous looking chemical I could find – Cif Bathroom Mousse.
After emptying half a can of the cleaner onto the spider, it lay motionless. Taking no chances, I reached for the cupboard and pummelled the spider with Raid insect killer spray. I then manage to capture the beast under a glass and coffee mat.
The spider is still alive and held captive on my kitchen floor. I daren’t move the glass for fear of the spider escaping and running up my arm. I will have to wait for it to die. The glass is blocking my fridge, so retrieving food has become a major problem. There is also bathroom cleaner and insect poison all over the kitchen.
Can spiders eat through glass?
Try reading this in the style of one of those ‘movie trailer announcer guys’ – it sounds cool, especially at the same time as playing Prokofiev’s Montagues and Capulets.
TO THE END OF THE FOOTBALL SEASON
THERE IS ONLY ONE GAME THAT REALLY MATTERS
FORGET ABOUT CHELSEA-UNITED
DON’T BOTHER WITH THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
THE SINGLE MATCH
THE WHOLE SEASON HAS BEEN BUILDING TOWARDS
TAKES PLACE… IN SOMERSET BATH CITY, JUST A FEW POINTS AWAY FROM A LEAGUE TITLE
FACE THEIR BIGGEST RIVALS – CHIPPENHAM TOWN
WHO HAVE SET THEIR HOPES ON THE PLAY OFFS
THEY’LL BE ACTION
THEY’LL BE TEARS
THEY’LL BE GOALS
ONE TEAM WILL WALK AWAY VICTORIOUS
THE OTHER BITTER LOSERS
(UNLESS IT’S A DRAW)
IT’S A GAME YOU MUST ATTEND
MISS IT AT YOUR PERIL
TWERTON PARK, BATH
3PM, EASTER MONDAY
I’m off to Twerton Park in an hour to watch it. I’m bringing my camera this week, so expect some photos from the afternoon.
Did anyone see a car driving erratically through Bathampton this evening? I have exclusive footage from inside the car. The identities of those within the vehicle, especially the screaming driver, will remain undisclosed for their own protection and dignity.
This afternoon, Watkins and I walked 3 miles and then 3 miles more – or however the song goes (basically we walked for 6 miles).
We left my flat, heading down to the nearby towpath and walked all the way to Saltford, where we stopped for a drink before heading home.
On our mini adventure we saw lots of interesting things, including a dead frog, wild wolves and a bungee jump – sadly the rope didn’t snap.
If anyone took the same route as us today and saw a blonde haired male going mental at about 5pm, that was me after I learnt Leeds won another game.
Bath Marina
“Remember to close the gate”
Where is John’s left hand?
A view from the bridge
Wild wolves!
A present for Simon
“Shall I jump?”
This reminds me of 9/11. A little sick.
Hanson’s tour train. Mmmm Bop!
Mr. Watkins gets excited by another train
While on our walk, we saw a rape… field
The World’s longest field. It started here…
… and ended here.
Some random, mindless graffiti.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
