So Leeds United went into administration this afternoon, only to be bought by their chairman Ken Bates. A tad confusing and an area I won’t pretend to fully understand. One thing you can be sure of – Ken Bates is a tight fisted old man who won’t have been ripped off. At the same time, some poor sucker will be out of pocket as a result of today’s events.

I’m happy that the majority of the debts have gone and Leeds have survived, but a tad sad I didn’t get chance to make a bid for the club myself. I’ve just emptied my wallet and have a grand sum of £7.31. Had I known about the plans, I would have offered the administrators my fortune.

Things I would do differently if I owned Leeds United

1) Hire a jockey and his horse to take training. Some of those lazy players could get chased with a whip around the training ground.

2) Sack the stewards that parade the stands and harass the fans week in, week out. I would then buy parrots and train them to fly up and down the Kop asking the fans “Can you sit down please? Can you sit down please? Can you sit down please? Can you sit down please?” – Not too different from what happens at the moment.

3) I would also replace the gobby git on the Elland Road tannoy. I’m not one to put a man out of work though – I would make him a steward and stick him with the away fans. He can entertain them with his jibber jabber.

4) Apparently the Leeds United Ladies are playing rather well. My plan would be to get them playing in the men’s first team. I would need to persuade them to have a sex change though.