Yes, I have been robbed. I feel so violated. I am still on holiday by the way – Watkins and I decided to stay an extra night. Alton Towers was good, and there will be a full report on it when I return tomorrow. Anyway, back to the incident…
I decided to use the campsite’s shower facilites, so took my towel, shampoo and conditioner up to the washing area. Before showering, I went to the toilet, leaving my stuff on the side. When I left the toilet, 30 seconds later, I found all my cleaning products had been stolen. There was a man in one of the other showers. Obviously the dirty thief had helped himself to my shampoo and towel. Worse still, I found a fresh turd in the corner of one of the showers! Who does stuff like that? Animals!
After various experiences at Alton Towers today, nothing suprises me about The Midlands and the locals who reside there. More tomorrow…
I am blogging from my mobile phone, so am not even sure if this will work…
As I text this blog, I am lying on an airbed, wrapped in a sleeping bag, inside a tent, somewhere in the Midlands. I have been force fed two dodgy burgers from the BBQ and have also drank two bottles of Magners – I don’t know if I’ll make it through the night.
If I haven’t blogged again by Wednesday, send help, although I may already be dead.
My neighbours sound scary – one just yelled out “You just pooed on my face!”, followed by “I can feel it coming out, God bless Jesus!”
Why did I agree to this – I hate camping!
I am going on a little adventure tonight. After this afternoons Bath City game, I will be leaving Bath and driving up to Staffordshire with Mr. Watkins. While there, we will spend a night on a campsite, before visiting Alton Towers on Tuesday morning.
Mr. Watkins had a very hard job persuading me to agree to this. I am not a big fan of camping, especially campsites. I generally associate them with trailer-trash, and expect to find the likes of Eminem living there; writing rap tunes in between fighting with his alcoholic father and abusive mother. Still, it’s only one night, and I will hopefully have a good time (at least, I’m trying to convince myself of this!)
Tuesday should be interesting as I have also not been to Alton Towers before. I know this is rather sad and probably makes me the only person over 6 months old, and younger than 80 years not to have gone. Again, I have my own vision of the place… queues and queues of school children and fat families, hundreds upon hundreds of dodgy fast food outlets, and lots of rides surrounded by pools of regurgitated dodgy fast food.
Even though I sound like a miserable cunt, I am still looking forward to it. I will be bringing my camera, and unless it gets stolen by a carny at the campsite, or smashed into a million pieces on a roller-coaster, I’ll take and upload lots of photos.
Something bad happened last night. A terrible, terrible accident. I killed my laptop!
I was getting ready to watch Match of the Day, and thought I would open a bottle of beer which I had been given as a present. Before I had taken one sip, the glass somehow fell from the grip of my hand, spilling the contents all over the laptop keyboard. Despite my valiant efforts, I was unable to save my computer, and worse still, I had to watch it die in the most undignified manner. Upon reboot everything appeared fine, but when I started to use the keyboard it went berserk. A second reboot, and it started crying (well, beeping) at me. A sad day and tragic loss of life.
I would like to stress, that although it was my alcohol which killed the laptop, I had not consumed any, therefore the accident was performed in a totally sober state. My laptop took the full whack and died intoxicated; it’s components more pickled than George Best’s liver.
It’s kind of funny – this wasn’t the first time I spilt drink onto my laptop. In the past, coffee and coke have been spilt over it – even the other night, a generous portion of tagliatelle found its way onto the keyboard. Those fluids however had no negative effects, in fact they made the machine run faster – must be the high caffeine content.
All is not lost. My insurance company (the one with the dog which is “More than Lucky”) seem to be willing to help. First of all I need to see if it can be repaired; something I seriously doubt, mainly because the laptop seems to have doubled in weight, due to the beer swimming around inside it. If it can’t be fixed and a replacement is required, I need a “doctors note” from a PC supplier stating such. I did take the annoyingly smug approach of telling the operator “I do work with computers, you know…”. Pointless.
I made my second Bath City away trip of season today. This week, my travels took me to Maidenhead in Berkshire; although the extreme summer heat made it feel like Cairo in Egypt. I was struggling to keep cool in the shaded stands, and felt sorry for the players running around in the open sun.
City won the game 1-0, which pleased me immensely, especially as the result took them to 1st in the league. I for one will be hoping they don’t move from that spot all season! In an ideal world, The Conference South and Premier League current standings would be frozen; therefore promoting Bath City and relegating Manchester United.
Today was a very good day all round really. 3 points for The City, and equally importantly, another 3 for Leeds United, who also won again. I know it is very early days, but the thought of both my teams winning promotion this season did cross my mind for a mere second. :o)
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
