Why is Shepton Mallet’s football ground so hard to find? After driving around Shepton with my dad for half an hour, asking confused locals where Somerset’s premier stadium was, I was none the wiser of its location. All I wanted to do was watch Bath City in the Somerset Cup quarter final!

We eventually found the ground – in the middle of a farmer’s field, just up the road from a cider brewery. All we need was to pass The Wurzels recording studio and a combine harvester factory, and we would be in a real stereotypical West Country.

We arrived half an hour late. Bath were winning 1-0. That would be the only goal of the evening. I spent the remainder of the night watching from a rickety metal barrier in a freezing cold, poorly lit tin-hut of a ground.

When the referee finally blew for full time, there were absolutely no celebrations. Amazing considering City were in a semi-final of a cup competition. It wouldn’t be unfair to say that the Somerset Premier Cup is generally not seen in the same light as the Champions League.

Still, City got their prize for winning the quarter final – 76p and a pair of pitchforks.

Excrement. Used to describe the performance from the Bath City players today in their 3-0 defeat to Hayes & Yeading. No heart, no passion, no points.

Excrement. Also used to describe the location – Hayes, Middlesex. I explored the place with three other City fans. Not a very nice place to visit. We’re just peaceful folk from the West Country, and I felt a little scared when I found myself in the UK’s answer to The Bronx.

Below are some photos of excrement. No photos from the game as no football was played (by Bath City, anyway)