I like to watch some of the reality TV shows which currently grace our television screens. I primarily do this to stay ‘down wit da kids’. For those of you who are too ‘old’ or ‘square’ to understand this term, it means ‘for one partake in an activity commonly popular with the younger generation’.
One of the reality TV shows on at the moment is I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. Kind of a misleading title, as the contestants can hardly be classed as celebrities. In fact, when the Tesco Metro was opened in the local village, the community policeman was picked to unveil the shop over 2008’s I’m A Celebrity contestant Brian Paddick (allegedly).
Still, like in previous years, I have been sucked into the crazed overhyped mayhem of the TV series. Mainly as that annoying Scottish bint, Gillian McKeith is taking part. You’ll know who she is. She’s the irritating, sour faced stick insect who sniffs fat people’s excrement and piles their annual intake of crisps, sausage rolls on Mars Bars onto their living room table, forcing them to cry. If I saw that mountain of food, I wouldn’t cry, I would tuck in.
Since entering the Aussie jungle, McKeith has been the most pathetic thing ever to grace the TV screens. She is a disgrace to Scotland. Forget that, she is a disgrace to females across the world. Even that’s not enough – she’s a disgrace to humanity.
Her three days in the jungle, she has screamed, cried and shrieked her way through various challenges, before making some startling revelations including veganism, a fear of heights and best of all a phobia of insects. Has she never seen an episode of I’m A Celebrity before? It’s ok though, folks. McKeith has reassured as all, she is not afraid of the dark. If tomorrow’s challenge is to ‘go to bed with the light off’, she’ll win.
That said, I hope she stays in the series until the end and is forced to undertake ever single Bushtucker Challenge. This is probably incredibly cruel, but the thought of her being drowned in spiders, force fed crocodile genital and cuddling up to rats makes me laugh.
Would I be able to do it? Absolutely not! BUT, would I enter a show where it is common knowledge you will encounter all manners of creepy crawlies? No way! So why did the Scottish stick insect do it? Answer: £££££. You want paying, McKeith? Chew that crocodile cock! I know this kind of makes her sound like some kind of prostitute speciaising in bestiality. This was not intended.
In other reality TV news… please, please, please let Wagner win The X Factor. I hardly watch the show now the hilarious auditions have finished, but this bloke seems to be annoying the die hard fans and I would love him to win. I may even buy the single if he finishes victorious.
irritating
Some more highlights and photos from the trip to Southport at the weekend…
Songs we tried (and failed) to get going…
To our Portuguese player, although with the primary aim of winding up the local scouser’s
Sido Jom-ba-ti
You eat Nandos in your country
It could be worse
You could be scouse
And eat rats in your council house
And when the home fans screamed for a penalty
You claim for it all
You claim for it all
Benefits and penalties
You claim for it all
One Bath City fan also (shamefully) upset a local Southport ball boy, who was a little slow at retrieving the matchball when his team were winning. He didn’t appreciate being referred to as a scouser. In response, I think he mouthed the words “duck goth”, but I’m not great at lip reading.
Likewise, the Bristol City fans we encountered at the Birmingham service station on the way home, did not thank us for the reminder of their 3-1 loss to the mighty Leeds United earlier in the day.
As you can tell, we’re proper hard fans. Watch out for the Bath City firm!
MISSING: 4,000 football fans. Last seen – The Sheffield Wednesday FA Cup game
Our impressive collection of flags
It amused me how the matchday stewards were sponsored by a pest control business. Rather fitting, I thought!
Every other weekend, I travel the length and breadth country to watch Bath City away. These excursions often end in defeat or draws, but occasionally we’ll win, making would always be a fun away day, a great one. Sometimes the manner of these victories means a great day out turns into a magnificent one. Yesterday’s trip to Southport was magnificent.
My away outing in Merseyside almost didn’t happen. The day before, I was struck down by a cold and woke up Saturday morning feeling terrible. Had the trip not involved visiting a new football ground, or had Claire been unable to accompany me to the game, I would have probably stayed in my bed all day, getting high from Lemsip.
I arose from my slumber and very slowly made my way to Twerton Park for the 9am coach departure. We then made the four and a half our trip to the North West. Upon our arrival, I did feel somewhat better. The banana and custard smoothie bought from the service station and winning £17 on the 50/50 prize draw probably aiding my recovery.
As with most away games, we visited the clubhouse. The place was awash with excited and happy Southport supporters. Despite their lowly league position, they had reason to smile. They had hosted Sheffield Wednesday just days earlier in a televised FA Cup game. Unlike some rival fans this season, the Southport faithful were a joy to meet – although their knowledge of geography does leave some room for improvement. The travelling fans from Somerset were amused when asked if Bath was near to London.
Still feeling the effects of a ghastly cold virus, I stayed off the booze, but after everyone else had drank the clubhouse dry, we made our way into the ground.
Since Bath City’s promotion to the National Conference, we have visited some impressive football grounds – Cambridge United’s Abbey Stadium and Luton Town’s Kenilworth Road being some of the stand out venues. With no disrespect to Southport whatsoever, their Haig Avenue ground was one of the more traditional stadiums and reminiscent of our trips in the Conference South.
I would go into the detail about the game, but think I would bore most of those who are still reading. Besides which, I am rather hopeless at writing match reports! Needless to say, at half time, the vast majority of the travelling fans were cold, disappointed and angry at the fact Bath City were trailing 2-0.
While I shared my fellow fans’ annoyance and cold, I was strangely optimistic. Maybe it was the cold virus which had infected my brain, but after watching Southport on TV the previous weekend, I knew they were a weak team and there for the taking. They could be beaten.
Bath City’s comeback began just four minutes into the second half. I was already feeling a lot better – it’s remarkable what a hot chocolate can do to reduce the symptoms of the common cold. However, when City striker, Kaid Mohamed made the scoreline 2-1, any thoughts of infection were forgotten.
The mayhem which followed was wonderful – Bath City playing a quality of football which would get Alan Hansen, one of the hardest to please sports pundits, into a state of extreme excitement.
As the winning goal was scored by in-form Lee Phillips, delirium was infused throughout the Bath City army, while the once jolly home fans stormed out the ground in total disgust. The celebrations could only be matched by those at the final whistle, which saw City pick up 3 priceless points in a 3-2 win.
The journey home may have been long, but it was a happy coach. It could have lasted 20 minutes or 20 hours, it wouldn’t have affected the mood of the joyous fans aboard.
Photos will follow, but I haven’t uploaded them to Flickr yet.
On Monday, Claire and I went to Weymouth for a mini break.
We stayed at a very nice bed and breakfast on the sea front.
We spent the Monday walking along the beach.
And stopping for chips.
We went to Weatherspoons. It was full of old people getting drunk.
Those OAPs who weren’t drinking heavily at 10am were on the beach hunting for treasure.
The room at the B&B was lovely.
I took the free coffee and biscuits home with me.
I was going to take the complementary painting, but it wouldn’t fit in my bag.
On Tuesday it pissed it down.
We spent a lot of the day in the amusement arcade, sheltering from the rain.
I won lots of crap excellent prizes on the 2p machines.
We caught the train home . The end.
I have been playing the Nintendo Wii a lot lately. A recent television advertisement caused me great excitement. It was for a remake of the 1997 videogame classic, GoldenEye.
John came round on Friday and we made the trip to Asda to purchase the prestige title. On first impressions, I am pleased. It isn’t a direct, jazzed-up port of the Nintendo 64 gem. Instead, it offers some new features.
Due to the style of the game, it is recommended a ‘classic’ or Gamecube controller is used, as opposed to the Wii Remote and nunchuck which is packaged with the console. Unfortunately, I only have one Gamecube pad, so poor Johnny had to do battle with a fiddly Wii remote. New pads will soon be purchased/stolen/made, so both GoldenEye and Mario Kart can be played.
In other Wii Wii news, I suffered another bout of excitement at the discovery of another upcoming title – Donkey Kong Country. It seems like Nintendo are bringing back all the games I loved as a kid.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
