Bath City 3-1 AFC Telford
Conference National
Saturday 3rd December 2011 – 15:00 

You have to feel sorry for the people of Wellington in Shropshire. For thousands of years, they have had to put up with jokes about living in a town named after an item of footwear worn by farmers and fishermen. Despite the stigma, they always maintained a strong tradition and pride in their town. That is until the 1960’s, when nearby rival, Telford invaded them, creating Telford New Town. Wellington had its heart and sole (sorry – that will be the only shoe pun on this blog) ripped out. As part of the invasion, the Telford bullies also stole the local football team, Wellington Town, renaming it Telford United.

All of the above garbage was sourced from Wikipedia. Please don’t blame me if any of it is incorrect or lies (which it probably is).

In 2004, Telford United folded – probably out of shame after the Wellington invasion some 40 years previous. A new club was formed under the name AFC Telford United. This phoenix club still plays in Wellington. Therefore, in honour of the original supporters of Wellington Town FC, as well as good old British justice and properness, I will be referring to AFC Telford United as Wellington Town throughout this blog.

Rear of the year

Bath City have been playing well recently and the visit of Wellington Town, who have hardly set the league alight themselves, brought fresh optimism to Twerton Park. The Romans started in a very positive and attacking formation, with Lee Phillips upfront alongside Bristol City loanee Aaron Amadi-Holloway (a name I will no doubt have to Google every time I want to mention him on this blog). Scott Murray made a start on the wing, after complaining on Twitter for weeks that he wasn’t being played enough. Professionalism.

City dominated the opening stages of the match, but failed to convert their chances. Anxiety filled the ground. We had seen this before – last week in fact against Mansfield. Then came the goal. Murray, charging up the field, fell to the ground after a rough challenge. He lay on the floor for some time, leading many to believe he had suffered serious injury. This was clearly not the case, as Murray soon rose to his feet and with a broken leg, shot towards goal. A very generous Wellington defender helped the ball on its way into the net and Bath City were winning. Why Murray was on the floor for so long, I don’t know. I suspect he was Tweeting. The linesman, in shock that Bath City had scored, raised his flag for no reason whatsoever apart from the fact he’s an idiot. Thankfully, the referee passed his assistant a book, explaining the rules of football and the goal stood.

As half time approached, I went to the tea bar. The queue for drinks and snacks always seems longer when we’re winning. While pouring milk into my coffee, Wellington scored. I’m not really sure what happened, as I was more concerned about taking apart a sachet of sugar. The familiar feeling of dread and worry was returning

Wellington Town took a large following of supporters. I was impressed by them. A good set of fans who brought lots of flags and sung a lot. Ten bonus points for their singing. A million points off for the guy with the drum. Despite the inclusion of percussion instruments, I did enjoy one of their songs “Come on cheer the boys, Telford make some noise” – it was the first time I have heard the Oasis track “Cum On Feel The Noise” turned into a football chant. According to YouTube, the song is a Slade cover. As a fan of music from the 90’s, I was unaware of this. The record has probably been covered yet again by Justin Bieber, leaving supporters younger than me wondering why the away fans were singing a song written by a teenage boy.

The singers then broke into a rendition of “I wanna go home, this is the best trip I’ve ever been on”. Like most sets of football fans, Bath City supporters also sing this song, to which I have joined in with in the past. The only issue I have with it, is every time I hear it, I can’t help but think of Phil Brown embarrassing himself on the Hull City pitch.

Season ticket holder

A dog was at the match yesterday. Typical non-league sight. I suspect its owner could well be feeding it speed instead of Pedigree Chum as it seemed to be the most excited animal I have ever seen. Every time a ball was kicked it went crazy. When the Wellington supporters started banging their drum, I thought the poor creature was going to have a heart attack from mass-hysteria.

All supporters need a pick me up from time to time

The second half underway and City’s dominance returned, yet were still unable to get another goal. Then in an extreme case of festive generosity which would make Noel Edmonds weep, a Wellington player decided to help us out. While lying down in the penalty area (no, really), Shane Killock stuck out his hand to move the ball. Penalty. Red card from the referee to Killock, Christmas card from me to the referee. Marc Canham stepped up to take the spot kick. I was convinced he would miss. Marc Canham did not miss. Marc Canham is excellent. I love Marc Canham.

As the second half was played out, fans were reminded by a tannoy announcement that they can send a text message to vote for their man of the match “Texts cost £1 each plus your standard message charge. Texts after the 85th minute will not be counted but may still be charged. Do not text if you are watching on ITV1+1”

Wellington Town 4 Eva

If I was going to waste my money and vote, I would have gone for Wellington’s goalkeeper, Ryan Young. The best keeper I have seen all season, who pulled of a series of amazing saves throughout the game. Dare I say it, he was almost as good as Jason Matthews… almost.

The game ended 3-1. Bath City scoring a third goal to seal the victory.

Next week is Chelmsford City away in the FA Trophy. The chances of me attending this fixture are very slim. Due such little interest in the tie, a coach probably will not be run. Should I be unable to go, I’ll probably watch a local game instead.

Cider can in the toilet. Classy.