Buckland Athletic 1-2 Bath City
FA Cup – 2nd Qualifying Round
Saturday 22nd September 2012 – 15:00

Let’s not beat around the bush here, after a very encouraging start to the season, which saw Bath City top of the league in August, things have gone downhill somewhat. After a very poor performance at Bromley, a home game against Dover Athletic followed. We lost, and although the injury-plagued team came in for some harsh criticism from many supporters, I don’t think the performance was nearly as bad at the previous week in Kent, or the second half against Dorchester weeks earlier. The mid-table position is, however, disappointing.

Spot the dog

What can be done to lighten the mood of the club and reignite the season? The return of everyone’s favourite cup competition, of course. Nope, not the Somerset Premier Cup (that’s in November), the FA Cup. Bath City are renowned for being famous in the FA Cup. Generally famously good or famously bad. The likes of Cardiff City, Hereford United and Grimsby Town have all been victims of ‘giant killing’; whereas Bath City themselves have been slain by smaller teams, most notably, in recent years Aylesbury United and Swindon Supermarine.

Trophy cabinet avec trophies. Clearly not the property of Tottenham Hotspur

The draw for the second qualifying round was kind. Or so we thought. An away tie at Western Premier Division side, Buckland Athletic – three divisions below the Conference South. The draw was greeted with optimism, with many supporters convinced that we had been effectively handed a bye. Buckland’s FA Cup replay against potential opponents, Plymouth Parkway saw them win 5-1. A 7-1 victory days later in the FA Vase started to get the nerves going. We may have never heard of Buckland, but they could certainly score goals and didn’t look like they were prepared to roll over and have their bellies ticked by Adie Britton.

The coach journey down was like many other this season, expect we didn’t stop at Reading services (somewhat of a diversion to Devon). There was a 50/50 draw, which I didn’t win (I never do), Brian York entertained us all, while his brother, Mike (ever the optimist), said the match would be the hardest FA Cup tie we have ever played in the club’s history. He’s right; Stoke City are dog shit compared to Buckland Athletic!

The coach arrived at the ground at what was apparently the car park. It was so close to the pitch, you could have watched the entire match from your seat, while munching on prawn sandwiches. As we left the coach, we were asked to cough up our entrance fee, no turnstiles here. A more than reasonable £6 to get in plus £1.50 for a programme, which was quite simply superb. Not only is it better than any programme in our league, but also the Conference National, where you generally expect to pay £3 for a magazine of adverts and a few pen pics.

Entrance fee paid and programme in hand, I went to the clubhouse. A recent build and much like the programme, excellently presented and better than most club bars at far higher levels. I was impressed. My only disappointment was the selection of ciders on offer, as I had to resort to drinking Olde English. After collecting my pint, I was annoyed to see a fine selection of real ales, which I would have certainly gone for had I noticed them about 30 seconds earlier! I complimented my drink with sausage and chips – freshly prepared and at a bargain £2. Again, compared to nearly all the places in Bath City’s current league and the Conference National, the food is far better quality and value. Clubs like Luton Town with their awful franchised catering should be ashamed.

The clubhouse. NOT a photo from Brian York’s wedding.

After leaving the club house, I had my now usual pre-match chat with assistant manager, Lee Howells. We discussed the forthcoming game, journey down and when Ken Bates would step down as Leeds chairman. Sadly, as I write this, three days two weeks later, he’s still there.

The game kicked off with Bath City creating an excellent chance inside the first 40 seconds, Charlie Griffin chipping the goalkeeper, only to see his effort go over the bar. Another chance was created later on in the half, where he hit the post. Mike York reminded us of the strength of Buckland’s shot-stopper “he’s the best keeper in the league”. They always are.

The best place to dine in Devon

Most worrying was not the fact Bath City were not scoring, but the fact Buckland were creating many chances themselves, including forcing Glyn Garner to make an excellent save, before missing an open goal themselves. Indeed, I felt relieved when the referee blew for half time with the scoreline at 0-0.

Match shot

An honourable mention to one group of Buckland fans who provided the best comeback chant ever. It was so poor it was excellent. With the City fans singing “We are the Bath, we are the Bath”, the home supporters replied with the ingenious “You aren’t the Bath, you aren’t the Bath”. Such wit. Almost as funny as the remark about us being Jeremy Guscott loving rugby fans. We’ve never heard that one before… naaaaat!

The second half kicked off much like the first ended, with City looking nervous and Buckland pressing for a goal… which they then got! An excellent strike which keeper, Glyn Garner, could do nothing about. Some of our fans complained and demanded a free kick for a foul on our Garner. There was no foul. Buckland had scored fair and square.

The die-hards

The goal must have acted as a wake-up call as City started playing. They bloody had to. They were less than 40 minutes away from being knocked out of the cup and effectively ending their season. No win means no cup run, and no cup run means no money for the club, and no money for the club means no money for players, and no money for players means a rubbish league season. Make sense? Good.

Bath City made it 1-1 with a great strike from Aaron Brown. Relief all round. The relief became joy-cum-get-out-of-jail minutes later when Luke Cummings’ cross met Kurtis Guthrie’s afro who made it 2-1. Let’s go crazy! We’re going to Wembley!

Buckland did not give up, despite having thrown away the lead and pressed for an equaliser, which they nearly got. Meanwhile, young Kurtis had a row with the linesman for failing to award a throw in his way “Fuckin’ hell!” he yelled at the official “Grow a pair!”

While I am unable to comment on the number of testicles attached to the linesman, I can agree with Guthrie in that he was a bit of a plonker (to put it in gentleman’s terms). I even had a “red mist” moment of my own when he flagged a Bath City player offside when he was blatantly level. Hooligan.

“Oi, Lino!!!”

Bath City went on to win the game 2-1. If you have been clever enough to notice the unacceptable lateness of my blog being posted (over 2 weeks old), you’ll also be aware Bath City are still in the cup (just), having drawn against Gosport Borough at home yesterday (6th October). Therefore, it’s all ‘daannn saaarrrfff’ for the replay on Tuesday night. Annoyingly, it looks like there will be insufficient support to run a coach (announcement due tomorrow; so check the forum, folks). Especially enraging for me as some Gosport club official promised me a free drink from their clubhouse.

Where my next blog will be from, who knows. Hopefully not Tonbridge Angels in the league, as it’ll mean we lost to Gosport. Is it too soon to dream of Sheffield United away in the 1st Round? Yes it most certainly is.

Bromley 1-0 Bath City
Conference South
Saturday 8th September 2012 – 15:00

All thoughts of the depressing 2-1 defeat at Dorchester Town were put to bed a few days later, when a home win against a very physical Billericay Town side saw Bath City maintain their one hundred percent record Twerton Park, leaving us top of the table. Things were looking good, although a growing injury list began to give cause for concern. A midweek trip to local rivals and fellow table-toppers, Salisbury City, saw another defeat on the road and probably confirmed what we all knew – Bath City are not quite good enough to challenge for the league title.

Having missed the Tuesday night trip, my third away game of the season was on Saturday. Another trip east, another visit to Reading services and another chance to say “I’ve been to Kent”. This week’s coach trip took us to Bromley FC, who play at Hayes Lane.

I have made many trips to Hayes Lane during our previous stay in the Conference South and it is one of my favourite grounds. A traditional venue, with large terracing, an attractive main stand and delightful wooden benches behind one goal. If you get bored of the football, you can even watch a spot of cricket while enjoying a Cornetto from the ice cream van which is situated inside the ground. All very proper and English.

Legendary fan, Brian York, enjoying a pasty

I always liked Bromley. They remind me a lot of Bath City. A similar sized club, nice ground, friendly supporters. We both won promotion to Step 2 in 2007 and our first match of the new campaign was against each other – when Chris Holland scored a late, late equaliser.

Like the trip to Welling a few weeks back, Bromley was unbelievably hot. Does Kent have its own climate unique to anywhere else in the UK? Something available in Bromley that wasn’t in Welling, was the very welcoming sight of Thatchers Gold cider on tap. To make things even better was the fact we were served our drinks in plastic glasses and allowed to take them outside. The bar manager at Hayes Lane, obviously doing his research and checking this blog for my demands. Needless to say, nearly all Bath City supporters ordered cider. It was surely to be expected with us being from the West Country.

Cider in the sun

As we drank cider, we watched our players jump up and down, run around, warm up and, in the case of Kerry Mogan, fall to the ground in agony. Another injury and a last minute change to the team sheet.

The less said about the game, the better in all honesty. Bromley took an early lead. A header, scored by a totally unmarked player, from absolutely nothing. City tried to respond, but never really got going. The linesman in Bromley’s half of the pitch didn’t help much, repeatedly ignoring fouls on Kurtis Guthrie, yet ever ready to alert the referee to anything favouring the home side. To blame the officiating would be a poor excuse, though.

The steps remind us, you’re not too big to go down

The only thing to cause a slight smile during the game was an announcement over the tannoy asking for the parents to come and collect their lost child, before minutes later asking a fan to visit the lost property department to pick up their belongings. Either the residents of Bromley are very careless and keep losing things, or they put missing children in the lost property bin.

Note to Bath City players: This message does not apply on the pitch

At half time, I made my way to the very plush upstairs bar. It was air conditioned, comfortable and had an excellent view of the entire pitch. I only went in to get a burger, but was tempted to watch the entire second half from up there. I almost did. The man cooking my burger forgot he had taken my order. It wasn’t until 20 minutes into the second half, with the score still 1-0 to Bromley and not a lot else happening besides the home side missing chance after chance, that he remembered me. I got a free drink for my troubles and was eventually handed my food.

Bromley FC. Safety first. Burgers second.

Burger in one hand, complementary bottle of Lucozade Sport in another, I walked round to where the Bath City fans were stood, sat on one of the wooden benches and watched, depressingly, as Bromley battered us. They didn’t score a second, but it was clear they would win. To use the old phrase, we couldn’t score in a brothel.

Wooden benches. I like.

The “wooden bench stand” was primarily full of away fans during the second half, all in a state of despair. Amongst us poor travellers sat two home supporters, presumably either because they loved their wooden seats or took a thrill out of winding-up the opposition. They were very vocal and in thick London accents would yell out encouragement to their home team and berate the referee for not awarding a red card for a petty challenge on their centre forward, which wouldn’t even warrant a booking, let alone a sending off. I don’t know what they would have done had we scored, as they would have been rather outnumbered, but like me, they could see that was never going to happen.

The Bromley Firm. ‘Propa Nawty’.

The referee blew his whistle for fulltime. The home supporters celebrated. Some away fans jeered, calling for manager, Adie Britton’s resignation, while others, myself included, applauded the team. Was the applause deserved? Probably not. Do I love my team, appreciate them and want to show my support regardless of the result? Absolutely.

As we walked out the ground, a home supporter commiserated us, although followed up his sympathy with “you got lucky”. Yup, cheers for that. “… you could have lost 5 or 6 today” Thank you very much… “… if we had been able to score…” OK, OK, that’s enough, now. The sad thing is – he was right.

The customary inquest into the defeat began the second we stepped foot onto the coach. A well-renowned moaner, elderly, accusing all supporters who defend Adie of not having played football in their lives. This is the same fan who, after the Dorchester defeat, claimed that the players did not want to win promotion.

Yes, I’ll admit it, we were outfought, outrun, outthought, outchased, outtackled and outheaded. I was very disappointed. The overreaction by some sections of the supporters though was a bigger embarrassment than the performance on the pitch. I don’t claim to be a football expert. As you can probably tell from reading this blog, my knowledge of the game is up there with Mark Lawrenson’s (zilch). What I do know, however, is that we have a very small squad, seven of our players are injured, we have a new team which is still getting used to playing together AND we have an excellent home record (until Dover beat us next week).

Expect another blog in a fortnight. An FA Cup special when Bath City visit either Buckland or Plymouth Parkway (a football club, not a railway station). Green army!

INSERT GOING DOWN JOKE HERE