I have decided that moving home is hard work. Most of the weekend has been dedicated to it. I left work early on Friday to open a joint bank account with Claire, before going to buy a bed. There were lots of beds to choose from and may factors to take into account. The hardness or softness the mattress, what type of headboard would be fitted and would there be drawers underneath. Other important issues for me included could the bed be easily moved or looked under in the event that a spider runs underneath, and the colour. Any colour is acceptable, but not ‘Manchester United Red’. We chose a bed, which was generously paid for my Claire’s mum.

Organising payment and delivery for the bed was like a scene from One Foot in the Grave. Two sales assistants struggled and bickered over a new computer system, both blaming each other and the software. “You’re double clicking too much”, “You’ve tabbed too far”, “You need to clear the form”. The whole process seemed to take hours. I would normally be concerned, with evening approaching, but was comforted by the fact that even if they took all night to work it out, there were plenty of beds to choose from, should a sleep-over be needed. Thankfully it wasn’t.

The rest of the weekend I carried on preparing for the move, by packing all my worthy possessions into boxes and bin bags. Mostly bin bags. I look like some poor, eccentric simpleton from a Channel 5 documentary “The Real Life Stig of the Dump”, as everywhere in my flat are bags of what looks like rubbish. It looks like a tip. If the bin men were to come into my flat, I would be left with nothing. There’s no worry of that happening, thankfully. The lazy shits won’t step 1 foot into the front garden to collect the household rubbish, so I hardly see them going to the effort of breaking into my flat to dispose of my belongings.

A photo of the inside of my flat

Bath City started their season on Saturday. Away to the world-renowned Bishops Stortford. Franchise scum. Due to packing, I missed the game, but thanks to the wonders of modern-day technology, was able to listen to commentary on the internet. The mighty Romans won the game 2-1. The first time they have won on the opening day since 2006. They won the league that season, so there is surely an omen there. It is also the first time I have missed an opening day fixture since 2006. Therefore, I will be buying a bottle of champagne in anticipation of our promotion party in April 2014. I’ll also stay well away from the opening day of next season – away to Bristol Rovers in the Skrill Premier.

Ready and waiting…