Yesterday I decided to give up swearing for Lent. Later that day, I swore.
Bhavin also tells me he fell victim to chocolate, after earlier planning to sacrifice that until Easter.
Fuck it.
While in work, Bhavin and I both decided to give something up for Lent. It was suggested I gave up Leeds United, sugar and beer. The first two would be impossible for me and the latter would be cheating, as I rarely drink beer anyway.
I set Bhavin the challenge of giving up chocolate, something else I would be unable to give up on medical grounds, due to suffering from a condition known as ‘Chocoholism’. 90 minutes into the challenge, Bhavin is struggling. I don’t think the fact both Ash and myself have been gorging on biscuits and chocolates, in a bid to break Bhavin down has helped him very much.
I finally decided to give up swearing – hence the title of today blog. Admittedly, I did say the F-Word this morning, but that was before I decided to make the sacrifice. I kind of slipped up when cooking my lunch and splashed myself with hot chicken soup. I yelled “Oh my God”. In my defence, there is a lot worse I could have said and I had just suffered third-degree burns.
Will I last 40 days? I fupping hope so!
Is it bad that almost all the text messages and emails I receive are not from friends and family, but from pizza takeaway chains? Apparently tonight I can buy one pizza and get another free. No doubt I’ll get another text later in the week, about some bollocks promotion for Friday night. Get to feck. We ordered a pizza last week from an establishment I won’t mention, for fear of being sued, going to prison and getting raped in the showers. The pizza was disgusting. It was wet, soggy and tasted like I was eating a baby’s nappy. I will add, it wasn’t from Pizzarella, who, despite sadly changing ownership, are still by far the best pizza takeaway in Bath. No, the nappy pizza was from one of those national chains. Eugh!
One of the few texts I did receive this year which wasn’t regarding half price pizza, was from Claire. She text me from work today, to inform me that maintenance had been carried out in our house and sadly I couldn’t have a shower tonight. I don’t really like showers and could happily wander around for days in my own stale perspiration and body odour. However, work colleagues would get a bit disgusted and I don’t think Claire would like it very much either if I gave up washing. I therefore had a bath. It was a nice bath actually. I was tempted to get some candles, a glass of wine and play Enya, whilst drifting away in a tub of Radox, hopefully not passing out from the hot water and drowning in my sleep.
I was spared death by the simple fact that I have plans this evening, so therefore had to cut my bath short. I’m going down to Twerton Park to watch the irresistible force of Bath City take on the immovable object of Ebbsfleet United. Good thing I have a season ticket, as it’ll no doubt be a sell-out, with literally billions of fans watching the game on television worldwide.
Now enough of this blogging lark, it’s time for my tea. Fancy a guess of what I’m having? You’ll be jealous. Turkey Dinosaurs! Raaaaaw!
Yes, the T-Rex is eating the other dinosaur. I know what happens. I’ve seen Jurassic Park.
Weston Super Mare don’t hold back, do they. A strange decision, especially after they won their cup final against Bath City last month.
You know when you just can’t think of what to blog about? Well, as whoever is reading this blog most likely doesn’t write a blog themselves, I suppose not. Tonight is one of those times where my mind is blank. A bit like Wayne Rooney’s brain is all the time. In the past I would just go to bed and not bother blogging. However, this year is different. This year I have blogged every day and I don’t intend to stop that today as I can’t think of anything to put. Therefore, today’s blog is a bit of a cheat. Nothing of any relevance or meaning what so ever. A bit like all my blogs for the last decade then.
OK, I’ll write about something. My day. Sunday. I woke up. Early. I must be getting old as lately (well, the last two days), I am finding that when I wake up at weekends I am unable to lie in anymore, so instead mess about on my phone for an hour, get up, have a long piss, before getting dressed, having a coffee, some breakfast, plonking my bum on the sofa and watching television. I watched the cup final today. Manchester City won. What a surprise that was. They played Sunderland. I wanted both teams to win. I like Sunderland’s manager, Gus Poyet. I also like the idea of Manchester City winning something, for the simple reason that it would annoy Manchester United fans.
What a fascinating blog this is turning out to be. Not. I spent the rest of my afternoon trying to get inspiration to tidy the house. I managed one thing. To dispose of the shoe box which has been sitting in the front room for about a month. I didn’t do much else. I was bored and spent the remainder of my weekend aimlessly refreshing my Twitter timeline. I then had tea. Hunters Chicken, parsnips, microwaved vegetables, some posh looking potatoes things, followed by Cadbury’s Crème Egg ice cream. I like to live my life in the fast lane.
Now I am going to bed. Be aware that there may, no, there will be many spelling and grammatical errors in today’s blog. I haven’t proof read it. That is because I couldn’t be bothered. Please forgive me. However, if you spot that I have confused “you’re” with “your” or “there”, “their” and “they’re”, you have my written permission to hunt me down and cut off my penis with a rusty breadknife. Goodnight.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
