I hate TV soaps. They’re a waste of time. I can’t believe people dedicate hours of their lives every week to watching tripe. Saying that, I used to watch Brookside religiously. That was until it got taken off air. I was also an EastEnders viewer, but stopped watching after Barry fell down the hill. I even watched Coronation Street, when Richard Hillman was on his killing spree. When he drove his car into the canal and joined Barry Evans in soap heaven, I gave up on Corrie too. That was until last year, when I moved into a house with my fiancée, Claire, who forced her soap habit upon me.

Luckily Claire only watches Coronation Street, so I haven’t been subject to any of the other soaps. She has converted me though. I could have taken the decision to play on my iPad or leave the room while she was watching it, but being the loving and amazing fiancé I am, I watched it with her, even shamefully ending up liking it.

I still feel a little dirty about watching a soap and I try to justify my viewing of it by telling myself I like the entertaining Meerkat sponsorship adverts. HOWEVER, this is my first and LAST blog about soaps. The only reason I am doing this, is so in a few months, I can say “I told you so”. OK, the “I told you so” blog will be my SECOND blog about a soap, but it’ll be linked to this one, so… errr… just shut up!

Basically, there is an upcoming storyline, where a girl called Tina gets killed. It is one of these ‘who dunnits?’ EastEnders did it years ago when Phil Mitchell got shot. ITV have already named the four possible suspects – a man called Peter, who Tina is having an affair with. Peter’s wife, Carla. Then there is Rob and Tracey – both of who are related in some way to Peter and are also carrying out some kind of illegal activity involving hair dryers, which Tina is aware of… MY GOD, just typing that shite makes me realise how bad soaps are, yet I still watch!

My theory is that Tina’s murderer is none of the four characters that ITV have identified in their big pre-murder promo. Inspector Sean is on the case and I believe that Tina will be killed by Maria. Maria lives above the hairdressers and is going absolutely bat shit crazy over some bloke who works in a garage. Maria is the one who will kill Tina and when it all comes out in the next few months, I’ll be laughing…

Now I’m going to watch some telly, which isn’t a soap, to make me feel better about myself – The Best of Wife Swap, on DVD.