Our house was due a routine inspection from the letting agency today. We therefore had to clean the place, ensuring it was all shipshape; taking special care to hide the crack pipes, needles and Satanic worshipping statues.
The house is relativly tidy anyway, so it wasn’t a huge job, although weeding the garden was a battle in itself – those weeds just won’t die, no matter how much weed killer you pour onto them. I am sure that they are some form of alien life form.
The biggest drama of the house blitz came when attempting to clean the extractor fan cover above the oven. After removing it and cleaning it in the washing up bowl, Claire tried to reattach it to the fan.
I was in the other room at the time, when I heard her scream. Thinking she had seriously injured herself and being a caring, responsible husband-to-be, I came rushing into the kitchen. It was then she broke the news to me. She wasn’t hurt. Instead, she had accidentally dropped the cover down the back of the oven. Marvellous. There was a gaping great hole above the hob and we had a house inspection in the morning.
While Claire panicked, I tried to think of a way of moving the incredibly heavy oven and retrieving the cover, without panicking myself. It was difficult. Somehow I managed to move the oven. This was either my summoning super human strength from somewhere, or simply grabbing a part of the oven which let me pull it forward easily. I’ll be honest, I think it was the latter. While I held oven in midair (a slight exaggeration), Claire manage to rescue the cover, by climbing on the work surface and using a pair of kitchen scissors as a makeshift claw to grip it.
While all this was going on, I was slightly alarmed. Not due to the real danger that the oven may fall forward and kill me, or that the gas pipe would fall out the back. No, my concern was of a huge spider named Dave living underneath the oven, which would run out onto the kitchen floor, after having its home disturbed. It would no doubt do something horrible, like run across my foot.
There was no spider, the oven didn’t crush me and the pipe didn’t fall out, causing a gas leak. We even managed to reattach the extractor cover. A drama out of nothing.
They say that you get what you pay for. On a recent experience, this is certainly the case when it comes to buying products from the pound shop.
On Saturday I bought a cup to hold my coffee at work. It is one of those fancy travel mugs with the rubber lid you drink from. It is supposed to keep your drink warm, while making you look hip and like a London business-type at the same time. The cup I purchased did keep my drink warm, but when I tried to drink from it, spilt coffee all over my desk. This wasn’t just a few drips, it went everywhere. Have you ever seen a farmyard animal urinating? Think of the leakage on that scale.
Lesson of the day: You can’t put anything fancy or workable from a shop where everything is a pound… although I did buy 3 DVDs for a quid each, including Deep Blue Sea and Open Water – and before you ask, these do work and are apparently not pirate copies.
This child’s mother is clearly a Tory. Making false promises she knows she will never have deliver…
I voted. I have been told in the past not to reveal who I gave my vote to, so instead will just give you a clue…
You will remember a few weeks ago I blogged about a new brand of shampoo I was using. This shampoo contained such exotic ingredients as zinc and glacier water. At the time, I wondered what impact it would have on my hair.
So far, I haven’t noticed any difference. I haven’t grown great long blonde locks, nor has my hair fallen out. It keeps my hair clean and that’s all I can ask really. The difference with the shampoo is that it really, really, REALLY hurts my eyes. It is like washing my hair with acid.
I think it may be time to give up on the zinc shampoo and try something more appropriate for my sensitive pupils…
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
