In the run up to the weekend, I was so excited about the start to the football season. By the end of the weekend, I couldn’t be any less enthusiastic.
Saturday I made the longest trip of the season (unless we draw Newcastle United in the FA Cup, or arrange a friendly against Grasshoppers of Zurich). My journey took me all the way to Margate in Kent.
I had a terrible day. I was stuck on a coach for almost 10 hours, in what felt like temperatures hotter than Africa. The air conditioning was clearly broken, or the coach driver too tight to turn it on. I was therefore sat in a surface, feeling sick, sweating and smelling, surrounded by loads of other sweaty, smelly people.
Margate is a shit hole. I’m not being a snob because I come from Bath, Margate is shit. Fact. I’ve been to a lot of really nice towns and cities, during my time as a Bath City fan, but I felt like Ross Kemp in one if his documentaries on Saturday.
Margate’s ground appeared to be half built. The changing rooms were porta cabins. The toilets (which were also porta cabins) had no soap (petty, but I like clean hands!).
It was nice to be out of the hot coach and watch the football in the sunshine. It was hot, but I certainly won’t complain about the heat, especially as in just a few months, I’ll be standing on a terrace, frozen to the bone.
A lot of the home fans took advantage of the hot weather – and the fact you could drink alcohol in the ground. A small minority fell victim of the “English bloke + hot weather + too much beer = twat” syndrome. I am usually for allowing supporters to drink at football matches – after all you can at rugby games – but louts like those at Margate ruin it for everyone.
The match itself didn’t do too much to cheer me up. Both sets of players huffed and puffed up and down the pitch. We didn’t play badly, but I don’t think we played great either. Both teams created chances, but it looked like it was going to be one of those 0-0 draws. That was until the 87th minute, when we were hit by a sucker punch. Margate scored. The 500-odd crowd erupted. Eugh.
I arrived back on the coach, knowing I had 5 hours ahead of me, to reflect on the defeat. You know when you open an oven and the heat hits you? That’s what the coach felt like. Eugh, eugh, eugh!
I eventually arrived back home, feeling fed up, sick and tired. My head was banging. I had never found my bed more welcoming.
I awoke refreshed and decided to put the disappointment of the previous day behind me. Leeds were on the telly at midday, against QPR. I was confident about the new season and pleased that Leeds had been chosen for TV. While Bath City took 87 minutes to shatter my season, Leeds only made me wait 3 minutes, before conceding a stupid goal.
Leeds lost 3-0 in the end. I took consolation from the fact that we may sign some more players as a result. Who am I kidding? We won’t sign anyone.
City on the other hand can brighten my spirits. They are at home to Weston Super Mare tonight. A win will put a smile on my face. A defeat and it’ll be more eugh, eugh, eugh.
The football season is almost back – just two days away! It’s the time of year when I can dream of my teams – Leeds United and Bath City – celebrating glory. Of course, those feelings will all change by the end of the weekend, after a couple of humiliating defeats.
I had a terrible start to my day. I woke up to find some animal had totally destroyed our rubbish bags, which had been left out for the bin men. This wasn’t just a small tear in the bag, they had been ripped to shreds spilling literally all our rubbish from the last week onto the street.
Bags of chips, used kitchen roll, old fruit, empty packets of curry, were all over the lawn, pavement and road.
Claire had to start work early, so it was up to me to tackle the mess by myself. It took almost half an hour, but I managed to tidy most of the mess – filling a brand new bin bag with rubbish, while spilling an old yoghurt down my work trousers – there was probably bin juice mixed in with it too. How disgusting!
We weren’t the only house to have their bins sabotaged. The houses opposite were also targeted. So what was behind the crime
The Cat
There are lots of felines on our street. I have fallen out with many of them, after they crapped all over my lawn. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were the creature behind the bin bag damage. If this is the case, all local cat owners should have helped me clean up the mess.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
We often get foxes on our street, and see them in even more abundance the night everyone puts their bins out. I guess for a fox, bin day is like Tesco delivery day for me, when lots of nice food arrives at my door. On Tesco delivery day, I gorge myself on chocolate, crisps and cake, while making one hell of a mess. Therefore, if it was a fox who tore into my bin bag, I can kind of excuse them for gorging on rotten eggs, soggy cornflakes and potato peel.
Seagulls
The bane of every Bathonian’s life (or at least that’s what the local paper will have you believe). They terrorise the city centre – mainly by pooing on people from a great height. Luckily, I don’t get many near where I live – something I was boasting about to a colleague just a few days ago. I think that I jinxed myself, and the baddest, meanest gang of gulls in Bath descended upon my front garden, to eat my rubbish.
Stig of the Dump
A character in a popular children’s book from the 1980’s. Stig is a child who lives in a rubbish tip. Back then, social services weren’t nearly as good as they are now. Stig collected rubbish and presumably ate a lot of it, in order to survive. Could Stig be to blame?
Whoever it was, I have learnt a big, big lesson and will be putting the bins out in the morning next week, so that no fox, cat, seagull or neglected child tears them open.
I think that I must be the only person on the planet who is not playing Pokemon GO. I have absolutely no intention of this changing either. The point of walking around, aimlessly, staring at your mobile phone, in the hope you can “capture” a virtual creature is lost on me.
I suppose it is a bit like when you’re a kid and you go around the garden, capturing insects and putting them into a jam jar. Eventually you’ll end up with a container full of worms, woodlice, spiders and worms; all crawling and shitting over each other. At least these things are real!
Pokemon GO is actually quite a good natural selection tool. I hear some people have been injured while playing the game, hurting themselves due to the fact they have been staring at their mobile phone and not looking out for dangerous hazards. In my opinion, if you’re daft enough to walk off a cliff or fall down a well, while attempting to capture Pikachu, then you’re probably too stupid to live.
Hopefully this game will go the way of Tamagotchis and The Crazy Frog – the graveyard for crap computer animated animals.
I’m putting it out there now – it’ll end in tears. Tears and a huge pay off for Allardyce when he is sacked.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
