What’s worse than doing one big shop, while you are on annual leave? Answer: Doing two big shops while you are on annual leave.
Yesterday, not content with spending close to £200 in Asda the previous week, Claire and I joined her parents in a trip to Chippenham.
Over the course of my lifetime, I have only ever been to the Wiltshire town on a small number of occasions…
- To watch Chippenham Town Football Club. I will quote the Wealdstone Raider, when describing their ground – “what a shit hole”. Never again.
- The former head office of my former employer was situated in Chippenham. I had to attend a corporate induction there. I didn’t know where I was going, had to catch buses and trains, tripped over a broken bit of pavement and fell over, all before enduring hours of corporate boredom. Never again.
- Visit 3D Computers. A jewel in the turd that is Chippenham. This independent computer shop took a large proportion of my student loan, many moons ago. They provided an excellent service and built me some fabulous PCs. I don’t know if they still exist. If they have gone bust, I feel partly responsible, having not returned for 15 years.
- Food shopping in Morrisons. I have been before yesterday. Currently my only reason to visit the town.
As a rule, I never go supermarket shopping at weekends. For similar reasons, I also don’t play hopscotch in the middle of the M25 motorway or climb into the lion enclosure at Bristol Zoo.
Despite being a Friday, the shop was still far too busy for my liking. It was as if people remembered it was Jesus Christ’s birthday later this month, so had to celebrate, by buying enough food to gorge themselves until they are sick. Interesting fact: The Romans did exactly this on a regular basis – although they didn’t have a Morrisons or Tesco. There wasn’t even a Lidle!
The problem with supermarkets being busy, is that shoppers can’t operate their trolleys properly. I pray that they don’t drive their cars like they do their shopping trolleys. I even suffered some road rage, when some bastard cut me up, while I was on my scooter. What a c***. Never let me buy a car.
To be fair, I was originally all for this big Christmas shop. Although as time dragged on, I not only lost patience, but the will to live. All I wanted was to be back home, on the sofa, playing Red Dead Redemption, and hunting for snakes on Guarma island.
We eventually got to the checkout, which is where I realised that I was trapped. Due to the huge volume of shoppers, I was unable to drive my scooter down the narrow gap, in between checkout counters. By this point, I had realised that Christmas shoppers had bugger all festive spirit and were not going to move out of the way for my scooter. I therefore squeezed past a barrier. Lesson of the day: If a barrier warns that it is alarned, it most definitely is.
The journey home was interesting. By “interesting”, I mean a fecking nightmare. Claire’s satnav kept trying to direct her the wrong way. When Claire ignored the crazy woman inside the gadget, she threw a hissy fit and stopped giving us directions at all. Why won’t the bitch just admit she was wrong?
We drove back through Bath city centre. Another nightmare. Those awful Christmas huts were still out and causing havoc. People flock from all over the country to see these bastard wooden huts. I am proud to say that, as a Bath resident for over 26 years, I haven’t visited them once.
Now for a load of fascinating photos from a supermarket…
Toys right by the store entrance to get kids to cause hell for their parents. Child to his poor mum “I don’t know what to choose “. Mum’s response “We’re not going to choose anything”
Has anyone eaten this and lived to tell the tale?
A great pre-death snack, for anyone considering eating the curry.
Did I try to drive my scooter through that small gap? Did it fit? Answers: Yes and only just.
An eye mask, some lippy and presecco? What a truly fabulous night in!
This “bread” looks better suited with the butcher from League of Gentlemen
A cake absolutely covered in e-numbers. Guaranteed to turn a kids birthday party into utter mayhem
Funny – I always remembered the chocolates being smaller
A fully stocked shelf of cheap cider. Clearly Bath’s student invasion hasn’t reached Chippenham
Which packet to buy?
Decisions decisions… Just buy one of each
It is my dream to visit an empty supermarket. Imagine the speed I could reach, tearing down the empty aisles on my scooter. 5mph is more than possible!
Did I play with the screen, scan my own mobile and generally see what I could make the machine do? Of course not.
Sadly I couldn’t ride the swing boat. I was all out of 20 pence pieces.
Elvis isn’t dead and he’s residing in the last place anyone would think to look… Wiltshire
It’s reassuring to see there’s always someone monitoring the CCTV station.
Great work placing the e exercise bike by the wheelchair.
Just to remind the disabled that they will never be able to use one.
I had my second hospital appointment of my annual leave today. While last week, I only had to go round the corner, this morning required a trip all the way to the Bristol Royal Infirmary. Bloody hell…
Upon arrival, I checked myself in with a helpful receptionist, who I managed to confuse by trying to convince that my name was, in fact, Sean and not Jean, as was printed on the appointment letter.
I was shown, along with Jean, to a very busy waiting room. A large whiteboard, with the names of various clinical staff, hung from the wall.
Coloured dots were stuck to the board, presumably to indicate any delays. Green for “Everything is okay”; yellow meaning “You’re going to be waiting a while. Best pick up a That’s Life magazine from the hospital shop”; with red representing “F**k! We’re on fire! An escaped lion is on the loose! Clinic is cancelled”.
I was reassured to see that, despite the vast amount of fellow outpatients occupying the waiting room, all the dots on the whiteboard were green. My confidence that I would be seen and home in time for lunch was shattered, when I realised that yesterday’s date was still written on the board. Surely all these poor patients hadn’t been waiting overnight?
50 minutes later, I was the only patient left. I was just about to switch all the green dots for red, when I was finally summoned into the doctor’s office.
All was going well, until I was asked to list all the medication I have been prescribed. I take so many pills, on a daily basis, that if you were to pick me up and shake me, I would rattle.
Therefore, given the fact I pop rather a lot of pills, I had a tough job in remembering everything I took. Claire was a great help, as we both kept shouting out the names of various drugs, as if we were on a strange edition of The Generation Game.
I escaped the consulting room and the clinic, but not before providing a blood sample. This time, instead of using a needle, my blood was taken by cutting the rear of my earlobe with a scaple. It’s amazing how much you bleed from that area, and gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “wet behind the ears”.
On the way back to the car park, I couldn’t help but enjoy some naughtyness in the hospital elevator. The child (as well as Leeds and Bath City fan) in me, had great fun, as the video below will testify…
One of posts I have been hoping to write from the 365 Blog Topic Ideas book, is My Favourite Recipe.
This evening we decided to make the most of our time off work, and do some cooking.
Unbelievably, despite this being our favourite meal to cook and eat, we haven’t done so in over a year. I know this because we have been in our new house for 368 days, and haven’t prepared the dish here.
Tonight, we cooked our favourite…
Cheesy gnocchi bake
Ingredients
- 500g pack gnocchi
- 200g cauliflower, divided into small florets
- 250g spinach
- 500g tub 4-cheese sauce
- 4 tomatoes, sliced
- 50g Cheddar cheese, grated
Preparation
- Heat the oven to Gas Mark 6/200C
- Bring a saucepan to the boil, add the gnocchi and cauliflower, and cook for 1-2 minutes or until the gnocchi rises to the surface. Drain contents of saucepan
- Cook spinach in microwave, according to pack instructions
- In a gratin dish, combine half the cooked gnocchi, cauliflower, spinach and cheese sauce
- Layer half the tomatoes on top, then combine the rest of the ingredients, finishing with a layer of tomatoes
- Scatter over the Cheddar, season with black pepper (optional) and bake for 10 minutes until golden and bubbling
It was my wonderful wife’s birthday last week. She was celebrating the big ’30’. Claire was complaining of being old. Nothing has changed. It is hardly like she transformed from Miley Cyrus to Jackie Stallone, as the clock struck midnight, on the day of her birthday.
Anyway, given the fact I am 36, I hardly think it is time for her to apply for an older person’s railcard – although I’ve promised her unlimited use of my stairlift and mobility scooter. Us old folk need to stick together.
To celebrate her special day, we decided to join her parents, in braving the gales and rain of Storm Diana, and go Christmas shopping at Clark’s Village in Street. Did I say we were “celebrating”?
Amongst all the outlets in the open air retail centre, was a shop which really caught my eye. Proving that age is simply a number and in no way a reflection of mental maturity, I simply had to take photographic evidence, that a business could share a name with my pet rabbit… and an empire of 57 million people.
Besides getting excited about shop-fronts, I am also able to gift some pretty awesome birthday pressies – if I do say so myself.
Look what I bought Claire. Can you guess who it is?
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
