Good news, everyone! Postman Pat has returned from his holiday.

I trust that he enjoyed himself, although I am slightly disappointed that he didn’t bring me back a straw donkey.

It looks like Postman Pat must have returned to work on the same day he landed at Bristol Airport – courtesy of Jimbo (naturally).

Sadly for me, Pat must have still had his holiday head on – the sangria clearly still in his bloodstream. He did well, but not that well…

I received two of my three missing deliveries – the Cinema Paradiso DVD rental and the football fanzine. I am still missing my Leeds programme from last Saturday!

It is my suspicion that Pat “borrowed” the programme to read on the flight home, but left it on one of Jimbo’s seats.

Either that, or Leeds just didn’t bother to stick it in the post. It wouldn’t be the first time the club would screw one of their own supporters over – but I will leave that gripe is for another time.

Isn’t it annoying when you are waiting on a delivery and it is late!

I know these things happen and that there can be many reasons for the hold up, including a delay with the sender getting your precious items into the magical post box.

In this instance, I am placing the blame solely upon my postman. I don’t know his name, but for the purpose of this blog, I will refer to him as Patrick, or Pat for short.

The reason I know Pat is the culprit, is because I am waiting on not one, not two, but three items! All in envelopes small enough to fit through the letterbox. All were due on Saturday. It is now Tuesday.

Not only did my three items fail to arrive, but we haven’t had any post, of any description, since Saturday, when Claire received a car tax bill – isn’t it convenient how those letters never go astray!

It is too much of a coincidence to believe that my three items, all from separate senders, became lost at the start of their journeys. No, they’re in my local sorting office – in Pat’s ever-growing “to do” pile.

I have therefore come to the conclusion that Pat is on holiday.

I appreciate everyone is entitled to a holiday – even childrens television characters from the 1980s. But why couldn’t cover be arranged during his absence? Whit’s Fireman Sam up to these days?

In case you were wondering, my missing post includes the following items…

• A matchday programme from Leeds United for last Saturday’s match.
• This football season’s first installment of The Squareball – a Leeds United fanzine.
• A DVD from Cinema Paradiso – an online service, where you rent DVDs – like Blockbuster Video, but still in business.

So, while I wait to read a match preview of a game which Leeds have already played, Pat is no doubt on a beach somewhere, enjoying sun, sea and …

… I’ll let you finish that last paragraph. I didn’t want to, out of sheer taste and decency, owing to the fact that Mrs Goggins is Pat’s travelling companion!