It’s Leeds United’s birthday today!

They have reached the big 100.

One hundred years old and Leeds are rotting in the second tier of English ⁷football.

Leeds are like a dear elderly relative in a depressing nursing home. Awful…

It is sad to see one of your loved ones, wandering through life, oblivious of everyone and everything around them, with no day-to-day plan, or what’s going on in general. Old age has left them confused, with a permanent aroma of excrement, which is impossible to hide, despite the best efforts of those around them. This is the state Leeds United have found themselves in… your relative probably doesn’t have half of these problems!

I wonder if Leeds got a telegram from The Queen?

Ever wondered what Her Majesty writes in the telegram?

Congratulations. It’s your birthday,
It’s time for lots of fun.
So roll this card up nice and tight
And stick it up your bum.

So now you know.

The English Football League wished Leeds a happy birthday, using social media. Given the club’s strained relationship with the EFL, such a move was never going to be a good idea – clearly somebody will be receiving their P45.

Here are just some of the predictable replies from Leeds fans…

Sums up the birthday rather well.

To non-football fans, or maybe even supporters of clubs who haven’t suffered dark days, Leeds United can best be compared to being in an abusive relationship. A relationship with a billionaire, who will buy you anything you desire. A relationship with the most incredible lover ever, who you share incredible sexual experiences with. A relationship where your billionaire partner regularly cheats on you. A relationship where, if you question where they have been, or have the audacity to breath in front of them, while they’re annoyed, they beat you black and blue.

Basically, supporting Leeds is like living with an amazing partner, who at times, brings you unprecedented joy; but is also capable of making your life a living hell.

That is my Leeds United in a nutshell.

Happy birthday, you loveable, horrible old bastard.

I would like to make it clear, that despite what I have written above, it should not all be taken literally. Old age is a serious problem in society and dementia is a terrible disease for those suffering from the condition, as well as their loved ones. Finally, domestic violence is abhorrent and while I used it in an attempt to describe how it feels to be a Leeds supporter, for the victims, nothing is comparable to the torture they live with day by day.