I am sure that along with the rest of the world, you will have heard of Donald Trump’s latest advice on how to deal with COVID-19… use cleaning products as a form of medication.
THE MORNING DRUG ROUND AT TRUMP TOWERS HOSPITAL.
Despite having an IQ equal to that of a daddy long-legs, the fool has somehow found himself in the most powerful position in the world.
I have heard that America is the land of opportunity, but didn’t expect a man better suited responding to requests for “cleanup on aisle 3”, to be President of the United States.
The most concerning thing about his theory, is that there will be people, who at the slightest hint of a cough, will chug a bottle Toilet Duck, or hook Domestos up to their veins.
Trump has since claimed that his comments were sarcastic, backpedaling faster than Bradley Wiggins. Here is a video of this clarification. YouTube are yet to introduce a smelly-vision feature to their website, but I can confirm that it is possible to smell bullshit while watching the clip.
If anyone is in any doubt as to what sarcasm actually is, refer to Father Jack Hackett…
I feel extremely lucky that Claire and I own our own home. Not only because it is a place we can call our own, but the fact our wages are used to pay off the mortgage on our lovely house, and not the mortgage of some landlord living over a hundred miles away in the Midlands.
Our home is very special to us. Had we designed the interior, I am sure that we would have picked many of the features which are already present.
One aspect that my wife and I are both delighted with is the location. True, we both work around the corner from the house; but it is what’s surrounding our home which is one of my favourite aspects of where we live.
Ever since I was a child, I wanted to live somewhere next to… the sea, a train line, or the countryside.
There is no way I can make a claim that the 1995 Blur classic, Country House, was written about me. For one thing, it is 25 years old.
Another more significant factor is that, unlike the man in the song, I don’t live in the country – even the most devious of estate agents would struggle to convince anyone otherwise.
Our back garden is situated in front of Penn Hill Road. This road immediately backs onto fields. These fields connect to the countryside. I’m practically Worzel Gummidge.
What these seven or eight paragraphs are really building up to are the beautiful, warm and clear evenings the nation are enjoying, during our never-ending lockdown.
Like Claire, I am sure many of you were dragged away from your Sky HD boxes, in order to test your knowledge of astrology.
For the past few evenings, Twitter has been promising fascinating sights in the night sky – satellites, meteorites and even shooting stars – were all reported by users of social media and filmed very badly on camera phones…
NOTE TO PATRICK MOORE ENTHUSIASTS: THE iPHONE 8 CAMERA pDOES NOT MAKE A GOOD TELESCOPE!
Claire was pleased to have spotted some of the sightings in the night sky. I think I saw a shooting star, but I was indoors at the time. I still made a wish, but I can’t tell you what it was, otherwise it won’t come true. All I will say is that it didn’t involve Leeds United!
We were equally, if not more, impressed with some of the sights and sounds closer to home – literally!
During her time looking out of the window and standing in the garden, hoping to see some space phenomenon, Claire saw an abundance of wildlife – most notably a fox, an owl and a bat – the latter still guffawing at all the stupid humans for eating his brother.
The owl has been making its beautiful hoots and calls for the last few days. I had trouble sleeping last night, but any frustrations at my insomnia were kept to a minimum, as the wise old bird ‘twit-twooed’ for what seemed like hours.
I think the only person in our household that did not appreciate the owl song was Roman. Given how rabbit is the natural prey of owls – especially a juicy, well-fed house bunny – I’ll let him off for being a bit upset.
Indeed, as I write this blog post, I can hear her calling out across the fields. I’m assuming that this owl is a lady, purely based upon the fact the owl in the cartoon series Animals of Farthing Wood was female.
Incidentally, the owl in the original novel, on which the series is based, was male. Perhaps the one on the kids’ cartoon was hatched as a boy, but now identifies as a hen. Never say that a day every goes by, where I fail to teach you a fascinating fact…
I have mentioned Roman’s television habits many times on my blog.
It is no secret that he is a fan of wrestling – as is Claire. Personally, I can’t stand it. Our house rabbit also enjoys football – not that there has been any to watch lately.
Like in many households across the country, our TV has been on a lot more than it normally would be. As Roman’s run is situated immediately below our massive screen, it must be like being sat on the front row at a cinema – apart from the absence of screaming kids and drunk teenagers.
Roman’s favourite television programme is arguably Keeping Up Appearances. Even if our bunny was to be throwing a huge tantrum, the antics of Mrs. Bucket and her long-suffering husband have been known to appease an angry rabbit.
The latest sitcom to be added to Roman’s TV favourites is The Vicar of Dibley. He will plonk himself in front of the box and happily watch episode after episode. No doubt he has become familiar with all the usual characters – Alice, Hugo and the “No, no, no, no” man.
It is reassuring how our fluffy boy only enjoys what I describe as ‘nice’ comedies. Nothing nasty ever happens to Hyacinth or in Dibley.
I have wondered if this light-hearted television is what causes Roman to drift off into tranquility, or his ability to relax in front of certain programmes is simply down to good old familiarity.
There are many occasions in which we need to calm Roman down for his own safety! While he gets petrified by the most trivial of things – doors opening, Claire walking down the stairs, cooking anything containing garlic – he is totally blasé to things which could cause him real harm. In fact, he lists his hobbies as jumping from heights and dining upon the finest quality carpet.
If Claire and I enjoyed sick horror movies and regularly watched the likes of Saw and Human Centipede, would the scenes of torture and excessive gore cause Romy to relax in the same way?
Unless I uncover an unreleased episode of Keeping Up Appearances, where Richard Bucket finally snaps and goes on a killing spree, we will never know if the bunny holds a secret fondness for video nasties.
Credit @Jimllpaintit (Twitter)
Before you start reading this blog post, please watch this video…
There are many ways to describe the people in this clip. I have listed them below. Unsurprisingly, each word is a synonym for STUPID.
- airheaded
- birdbrained
- bonehead
- boneheaded
- brain-dead
- brainless
- bubbleheaded
- chuckleheaded
- dense
- dim
- dim-witted
- doltish
- dopey
- dorky
- dull
- dumb
- dunderheaded
- empty-headed,
- fatuous
- gormless
- half-witted
- knuckleheaded
- lamebrain
- lunkheaded
- mindless
- oafish
- obtuse
- opaque
- pinheaded
- senseless
- simple
- slow
- slow-witted
- soft
- softheaded
- thick
- thickheaded
- thick-witted
- unintelligent
- unsmart
- vacuous
- weak-minded
- witless
Personally, I feel that the most appropriate description for these dunderheads is REPUBLICANS. Again, this is another word for ‘stupid’.
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
