I haven’t done a live football blog for a couple of years, so thought it was about time I did one. The way this works is simple – I watch a game of football on TV, and blog my thoughts as the match goes on. I know nobody will read it as it happens (it won’t even be uploaded until full time anyway) and am aware it probably won’t even be seen once the game has finished!

The match I am watching tonight is Wales against Portugal in the semi-final of Euro 2016. England are long gone from the competition, so no need to mention those losers.

I’m not sure who I want to win this one. Wales are British, and up until a week or so ago, I would have supported them without a shadow of a doubt. Then I saw their players and fans celebrating England getting knocked out. I can’t blame them. If I wasn’t English, I would be laughing too – but Wales can’t have it both ways – you can’t want England to lose, but expect the English to want you to win.

That said, whatever Wales do tonight, every single player has done themselves and their country proud. It has been a fantastic team performance and they must be commended. Well done Wales!

Then there is Portugal. I hate Portugal. They twice knocked England out of international tournaments and more importantly, have the vilest football player in the world in their ranks – Cristiano Ronaldo. If Wales win, I won’t be singing for joy, but I will snigger at Ronaldo’s tears.

Finally, before I get going, please forgive any spelling mistakes, as I am writing this on the fly!

19:56
National anthems. Wales have just done theirs. Portugal singing theirs. The same one they sung before knocking England out in Euro 2004 and the 2006 World Cup.

20:00
We’re off and I’m happy already. The game is on ITV, so that means no Robbie Savage commentating.

20:01
One minute and twenty-three seconds in. Portugal gave a player rolling around the floor in agony. Standard.

20:02
Hahaha. Ronaldo fairly tackled. Sits on his arse, arms widespread, crying to the referee. Whatever is Portuguese for “It’s not fair”, you can guarantee Ronaldo is shouting it.

20:05
As I blog, I am also having to wat my tea. This evening’s meal is southern fried chicken, chips and vegetables. I could have gone for a football related meal of Peri Peri Chicken and Welsh Lamb.

20:14
Nothing much going on. Still 0-0. I’ve been on Twitter, trying to find the score between Bath City and Chipping Sodbury in a preseason friendly. Priorities, you see.

20:18
Wales have a corner… a goal is surely imminent… Gareth Bale shoots right over the bar.

20:22
Ronaldo doing that’s stupid dancing thing with his feet. I wish somebody would break him.

20:35
I’m still watching and it’s still 0-0. OK, I lie. I have been entertaining myself watching videos on Twitter of “Things that sound better with Titanic music”.

20:39
This is so boring. The other semi-final, on tomorrow, is France against Germany. Can’t that be the final instead?

20:40
If England were in this semi-final, you’d be guaranteed goals. Granted, they would be for the opposition.

20:45
Well that was shit. It’s half time and I’m tempted to stick the tennis on. I hate tennis.

21:05
My half time interval was more productive than anything those footballers did during the first 45 minutes. I went for a wee, tidied away tea, got some chocolate yoghurt for pudding and prepared lunch for work tomorrow. As soon as I sat down to type this entry, Portugal took the lead. Ronaldo. Who else? Dammit.

21:08
The other thing I did at half time was listen to the Bath City commentary. They are drawing 1-1. Mental scenes down Chipping Sodbury!

21:09
2-0 Portugal. I think I tempted fate by criticising the first half.

21:20
I read a tweet from an England fan, telling Wales that they now know how we feel. No… the only way the Welsh would know how we feel is if their players each wiped their shitty arse on the Wales flag, in the centre circle, before feeding Tom Jones to Robbie Savage.

21:29
Ronaldo booked. If he ends up getting sent off, regardless of the result, it’ll be the greatest moment in the entire tournament.

21:32
At least it looks like there won’t be extra time. I could do with an early night.

21:42
It’s all gone quiet again. Wales burnt out and Portugal happy to see things out. Can I go to bed yet?

21:47
Wales’ Joe Allen should probably have been sent off there. It wouldn’t have made a difference to the outcome, but it would be a very English way to exit a tournament – seeing red.

21:48
All I can hear on the TV are Welsh voices singing. The fans are doing their country proud, as have their players.

21:49
The Welsh dream is over. Feel kind of sorry for them, but they been immense. Every player and supporter should be full of pride. The best football nation in Britain.