There is never a good Tory, but some are worse than others…

A good way to understand this concept, is to compare them to a virus or disease. I am sure you would rather catch a common cold than rabies.

One is slightly annoying and may make you feel unwell for a few days. The other will cause you to grow gradually more insane, before eating the furniture and dying a slow, painful death.

I was just referring to viruses and not Tory MPs, in case you were wondering.

That is why I didn’t pay much attention to whoever was to win the Tory Leadership Poll – Boris Johnson or Jeremy Hunt. Both are on the Ebola level of Tory.

As we all now know, Boris won it. The bumbling buffoon, who, just half a decade ago, would have had less chance of becoming PM than Mr Bean.

At least he is sticking to his roots, by maintaining the “just don’t give a f**k” look with his hair. I have blondish hair too. I find that if I don’t have it cut for many months and go to bed immediately after taking a shower, I’ll awake to the Boris Johnson look. Shit – have I just revealed his secret? Sorry, Boris.

Finally, did you know “Johnson” is American slang for part of the male anatomy? The Urban Dictionary describes “Johnson” as…

Johnson

penis;

My johnson is large. 

I find this rather ironic, because had we not had a Johnson as our PM tonight, it would have been a