Leeds are having another season where they’re competing for promotion. While they did well last year, my team are generally pretty crap, so all this winning is still a new concept.

I should therefore be happy with Leeds and enjoy watching them on the occasions where they are on television, which is more often than not.

Last night Leeds played Middlesbrough. They won 1-0. The game was on Sky, so I watched the entire thing.

I have been known to turn the game off and disabled the internet on my mobile phone, as I cannot cope with the thought and pain of Leeds missing out on promotion again.

However, on this occasion, Claire was watching the same game downstairs, so I would hear any updates from her. Escape was futile.

Claire doesn’t understand why I do this. But how could she? She supports Liverpool, who at the moment could win a football match, with their players blindfolded and legs tied together.

Despite Leeds winning last night, I didn’t enjoy the match at all. It was an ordeal and stressful from start to finish.

WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO TO THE TV, EVERY TIME LEEDS ARE ON.

I know that I am not the only football fan to be afflicted with this mentality. It’s not uncommon. Unsurprisingly, Leeds supporters appear especially susceptible to it.

I struggle to think of any other leisure activity, where someone would willingly subject themselves to such high levels of stress and heartache, all in the name of entertainment.

There have been comparisons between being a football supporter and a crack addict. A couple of times a year – maybe more or less, depending on how well the supporter’s team is doing – the footy fan will experience unprecedented joy from a result or even just a single goal being scored.

Speaking from experience, elation of this magnitude is incomparable with anything else in the world. The supporter will put up with all the bad times, just to get that feeling of ecstasy again.

This is where the similarity with a class A drug user is made. A heroin addict is said to repeatedly take the opioid, in the hope that they will experience the incredible high received the first time they took the killer drug.

The cruel difference between an addict and a football supporter, is that the drug user will never be able to replicate that moment and will sadly often end up dying from an overdose.

JIMMY CORNHILL. THE LOVEABLE NEIGHBOURHOOD HEROIN ADDICT.
PICTURED HERE WITH PET DOG, CRACKER.

I would say that feeding a heroin habit is considerably more expensive than funding a football fix. Although, given the cost of watching the sport these days, I am sure that’s debatable!

Moving on from the nasty and serious subject of drug addiction, and returning to the nasty and serious subject of Leeds United…

As I’ve already told you, I did not enjoy last night’s match at all. Leeds are playing Hull on Saturday lunchtime. Like yesterday, this will be shown on television. Also like yesterday, I will hate every minute of the game – unless Leeds go 18-0 up in the first five minutes.

Before the weekend, I really must invest in a pair of mittens. Last night, I was so nervous that I chewed more of my fingernails than the curry and chips I had for tea!

Think this is bad? It probably is. Don’t blame me. Blame those Leeds strikers who can’t score!

I hope Bon Jovi enjoyed that pay cheque…