Yesterday was my first day off work. Most of it was spent indoors waiting for an engineer from BT to fix the dodgy internet connection. A lot of work was carried out and considering just the telephone line was being checked, a very large amount of mess made. In the end I ended up with a new Home Hub and wall socket. Apparently stuff was also done at the telephone exchange. I’ll wait and see if the problems have been fixed.

I was also asked by the engineer to perform a speed test on the line using my laptop. I’ve had my laptop for a few years now and bless it, while it does the job, it can be a little slow these days. If it was a person, it would be sucking Werther’s Original and watching Bargain Hunt on afternoon TV. It it was a dog, it would have gone to live on a farm. At least, that’s what the parents would tell their children. Yesterday however, with a telephone engineer in my flat and desperate to finish the job, I could have really done with my infirm machine working a bit quicker than normal. I would like to say it bounced into life, loaded Windows, found the new wireless network and performed the speed test duties in no time at all. Alas it didn’t. Cue an awkward 10 minutes while my laptop moaned and bitched, doing everything in its power not to do what it was supposed to do. I bet the engineer thought the laptop was clogged up with filthy porn. Which of course it is not. I never use it for porn. I use the five minute Freeview on Sky.

The disobedient laptop was not the only thing to trouble me yesterday. While happily watching TV after tea, a huge spider decided to casually stroll across the carpet. Sometimes you see them running for dear life like a soldier through enemy territory. Nope. This one walked across my floor, as if to say “You see me. I see you. Who’s the most scared? Not me. You twat”. I will admit. I probably was the most frightened. The one thing I had in my favour was a can of spider killer and a fly squatter. Needless to say, that cocky spider is no more.

Tonight I am off to football. Bath City against Luton Town. As City have not won so far this campaign, I am officially declaring tonight the first day of the football season. I’m so excited. Woop woop. At the same time, Leeds are playing Manchester United in the cup. Last time these sides met, Leeds caused a massive upset and beat their biggest rivals 1-0. If the same was to happen tonight, I am perfectly aware I will miss it (as I’ll be at Twerton Park). Therefore the remainder of the night will be primarily spent searching the internet for a dodgy copy of the game to download. I am off to Weymouth on holiday in the morning, so would need to find, download and watch a copy of the match by then. Otherwise the holiday will be cancelled.