If you are not a resident of Bath, you will probably not appreciate tonight’s blog, as it is solely going to rant about the seagull population in the city. It’s shit. There are more seagulls in Bath than on Brighton beach at a seagull rock festival.

The thing is, you can always hear them. If you are in Bath and are reading this, turn any television or music off and open your window. I can guarantee you will be able to hear the distinct cackle from the vile bird.

Tuesday night I was at Bath City. A single chip found its way onto the football pitch. Within minutes a scene fit for an Alfred Hitchcock film descended upon the football ground – loads of seagulls fighting over a soggy piece of fried potato. There must have been more seagulls in the ground than there were fans.

Luckily I live away from the town centre where I hear the gull problem is a lot worse. The council blame the bird population on household and business rubbish thrown onto the streets on bin men day. In this case, I am going to side with the residents and businesses. They dispose of their rubbish in black bin bags. How else are they supposed to get rid of it, when Bath remains one of the few cities in the UK still not to use wheelie bins? I tell a lie, we used to have a wheelie bin in my set of flats. It then got taken away as the council got a new bin lorry without a mechanism for lifting the bins. Surely if everyone put their rubbish in a sealed plastic bin, the seagulls wouldn’t get fed?

BANES should introduce wheelie bins to all. Help us out. After that, any resident caught littering gets fined. Any tourist caught feeding the seagulls, and believe me, I’ve seen it, is drowned in the River Avon. Seems fair to me.

I ranted to Simon about this via text, who pointed out that until Bath’s toff population start to moan, the council will do nothing. Simon is of course correct. The seagulls never seem to target the expensive, Georgian properties on the outskirts of the city and in surrounding countryside, where the most affluent live. Local authorities bow to the wealthy, anyway – just look at the difference in council tax rates between the bottom and top band – minute if you compare the range in actual property costs.

Maybe the toffs, who no doubt cried to their MP when fox hunting was made illegal, should take up a new sport – gull hunting. Everyone is happy then.

I think it was better when I just blogged about football.