Yesterday evening was spent at my friend Matt’s birthday party. It was supposed to be a surprise orchestrated by his girlfriend and up until Friday afternoon, the eve of the party, it was. Matt cottoned on that something was out of the ordinary when an industrial sized spit roast and pig carcass were delivered.

The party was noticeably different from others I have been to in the past. Nobody was vomiting into the rose bushes, the pet cat was left unhurt and the neighbours didn’t feel the need to start fighting the guests, a somewhat civilised and more enjoyable affair I felt.

The spit roast was delicious, in fact the taste of well done pork has made me think of copying Gordon Ramsey and buying a couple of pigs myself, raising them in the back garden and then slaughtering them in a brutal and bloody massacre.

To fully complete the festivities there were fireworks. It’s been a good few years since I have had the pleasure of attending a firework display in somebody’s garden. It’s an occasion where you have to forget everything you were taught in your work’s health & safety training course and hope that a flaming rocket doesn’t fall down to earth and onto your back.

Whoever positioned the fireworks deserves a pat on the back for hilarity. They were all seated within 2 feet of Mr. White’s prized mountain bike. As rockets shot into the air and coloured flames were spewed from the ground, White looked on anxiously hoping not to smell burning rubber.

This afternoon Simon came to my flat to watch football. The first game of the afternoon saw Leeds take on Sheffield Wednesday. Leeds won 1-0. I’ll take the 3 points but still hope and pray that the manager will soon fuck off.

We were then both left equally frustrated after watching a lacklustre Chelsea steal a win from Blackburn Rovers. The arrogant yuppie Chelsea supporters are so infuriating. You just know that the only reason they support Chelsea is for a fashion statement and before the Russian billionaire bailed “Chelski” out of inevitable liquidation, they probably didn’t even know the rules of football.

Finally for tonight, while searching on YouTube, I came across this movie trailer. Interesting looking film, I believe it’s available on DVD. If you have young children and want some clean, wholesome, family entertainment, I don’t think you’ll be too disappointed with this one.

British Slugs. A nation of boozers

I don’t know who left this can of beer outside the front of the house… “WHITE!!”

This may look like a spit roast, it is in fact a rotting human corpse I spotted while exploring the party host’s basement.

DanInTheMix finally makes it to a Chelsea game