You may remember back in the summer, the city of Bath became under siege from swarms of giant ants and a plague of noisy, defecating seagulls. Well now Bath has another menace on the streets. One that arrives every September. I am talking, of course, about students.

Now don’t get me wrong, most students are decent and respectable members of society. I was a student once. I went to Bath College and didn’t cause my fellow humans not partaking in further education any harm. When I wasn’t studying or in a lesson, which was most of the time (come on, I was a student), I could be found in McDonalds, KFC and Pink Planet Games Exchange.

Like I said, most students are OK. There are, however, some twattish students. For example, the ones on Newbridge Road last year. The group who have all night parties, dragging the speakers into the back garden, so they can feel the full force of the bass from The Sugarbabes, as they pass out from drinking an entire 8-pack of Brothers Raspberry Cider.

There was one of the annoying students in Nandos last week. There I was, enjoying a nice meal of peri peri chicken, when some arrived. What looked like an entire class of them. A full herd of students. A gaggle. They sat down and began to consume their chicken and free tap water (as is tradition). Then one of the students started talking. I say talking, it was more of a noise you would hear on a wildlife documentary presented by David Attenborough – a high-pitched, loud cackle. I believe the language being spoken to be English, as I could make out some of the broken-dialect above the drone. Most of the words from her mouth; nay, all of the words, were about herself, how great she was and how everyone should love her. I didn’t love her. I hoped she would choke on a chicken bone, but being a student, she could probably only afford spicy rice and a small side salad.