After recovering from anger brought upon us both by Donkey Kong Country, Dan and I headed into town for breakfast.
On the way into Bath, we visited the new Argos store as Dan was in desperate need of a new rucksack. His existing one had completely fallen to pieces and the contents of his life were spilling out all over the street. Dan had already chosen which bag he wanted by looking at the website before we left. Things did not go to plan though. When attempting to purchase the said rucksack, Dan learnt, much to his anger that they were sold out. The look of rage on Dan’s face, last seen when playing Donkey Kong returned.
And that’s when Dan went mad
Rucksackless we both continued into town and moved immediately towards a café by the Bath Abbey Square. We had not eaten all day and were both very, very hungry. Considering that the café was in such a prime location and charged such high prices, the food was absolutely terrible. As Dan took a bite into his burger, a waterfall of putrid grease fell onto his plate, befouling his already unappetising chips and side salad. The look of anger returned. My bacon sandwich was not much better, but we both decided not to complain. Every member of staff working at the café looked so depressed that had we showed any form of displeasure towards their cooking, they would have probably killed themselves, us or both.
The most expensive greasy spoon in Bath
I will not be coming back here. Ever
I wonder if the vandalism was caused by non-customers or pissed off diners
We desperately required some form of refreshment to wash down our fetid food so went to meet Simon for a coffee in Starbucks. We sat on the sofas, talking about life and drinking Mocha, fruit smoothies and Earl Gray tea like young, professional yuppie types.
There was also an ulterior motive to our visit. Dan had to dispose of his old, decrepit rucksack. The original plan was to throw it into the River Avon. It was also suggested we leave it on the platform at Bath Spa Station, but thought that was a very bad idea and would end up causing total chaos, a bomb disposal unit and station evacuation.
In the end Dan decided it would be best to leave the bag under a chair in Starbucks. If by a major coincidence a Starbucks employee is reading this blog and has found a rucksack under one of the seats, you do not need to keep it in lost property. Please dispose of it with your weekly rubbish.
Dan! You left your bag!
It was then time for Dan to go back home to London. We made our way to the station, stopping for a brief Slush Puppie, before waving Dan off as his train sped away towards the capital.
The rest of my afternoon was spent with Simon, browsing various clothes shops for a new bag of my own. When I finally found one I liked, we finished the day with a relaxing coffee and juice in a wine bar which used to be R.S.V.P.
A large crowd turned up to wish Dan goodbye.
Note the worried bald man and crying child. We were all very upset to see Dan leave.
As the train sped Dan out of our lives, everything became blurry
My friend Dan (of DanintheMix) came to Bath yesterday. White and I met him at the station and once he arrived we headed off into town. The first stop was the cinema, Dan had a craving for an Ice Blast and as The Odeon is the only place in town which sells them we had to go their first.
While in The Odeon lobby, slurping our cocktail of ice and E-numbers, we noticed a poster for World Cup games that are being shown in the cinema, on a big screen and in High Definition. We thought that watching the quarter final between England and Portugal in the cinema would be a fucking brilliant idea!
After booking tickets for the game we went to the park for quick game of football before heading back to mine for some nostalgic television and tasty food in the form of Maid Marian and Her Merry Men, a whole pallet of strawberries each and a packet of spicy chicken wings – a wonderful combination.
I got up this morning to find that Dan had sent me a message saying “Meet me in town at 10”. A slight problem as it was 9.23 and I was still in bed. I eventually got to town for 11 where Dan, Simon and I went on the hunt for breakfast.
I came to the conclusion today that on weekday mornings, Bath is full of fat, slow old women. We went to Mark and Spencer’s in search of some breakfast, the place was full of old biddies, full of them. It was like Land of the (Nearly) Dead.
I honestly believe that old people just go to M&S for a day out and why not? There are clothes for them to buy, a nice coffee shop on the top floor, numerous toilets in case of incontinence and escalators connecting all these facilities together, eliminating the need to climb stairs and almost halving onsite heart attacks.
The M&S café was shit. A typical old women’s café like you may see in Last of the Summer Wine. It sold cake, tea, cake, coffee, cake, sandwiches, cake, orange juice and cake. Now Me, Dan and Simon all like cake, but not for breakfast.
With M&S declared unsuitable we went to British Home Stores, another shop infested with coffin dodgers. They had a better café than M&S and we were able to enjoy a hearty, full English breakfast. Dan was also very tempted by a thick slice of cheese cake but his arteries sent a warning message to his brain advising him against it.
After brekkie it was shoe shopping. As I have mentioned here before I hate buying clothes of any description. If I could I would wear one pair of shoes forever, but my current pair were beginning to fall apart and become rejected by my body. I was in and out within 10 minutes, which is acceptable I suppose.
After that it was off the JJB Sport, we needed a football for the park and Dan wanted some Nike trainers. He refuses to wear anything else, there is probably a sponsorship deal going on somewhere, either that or is he is very vain.
We got pair of balls for a fiver, Dan couldn’t get his shoes although took some considerable interest in a pair or women’s Nikes. A puzzled shop assistant approached, probably to inform Dan that the trainers were in fact intended for ladies. Dan left. Fast.
We then went to buy Slush Puppies, another favourite of ours. Dan yet again proved to me and Simon that we cannot take him anywhere when he randomly blurted out “Simon! Are we going to meet your yob mates in the park?” The old lady who worked in the sweet shop with the Slush Machine looked puzzled – the same kind of look the shop assistant in JJB had.
We finally got to the park where we played some good football for about 3 hours. Simon was very good and taught us both some tricks, it was like having a master class from Wayne Rooney (kind of). Dan was good but got very hot and sweaty. I think he also got very frustrated and let out a very loud cry of “C*NT!” following a nasty tackle.
After a whole afternoon of running around in the heat, kicking a ball around we left – knackered. Hobart and I staggering back to my flat on Newbridge Hill – even professional footballers drive home from training – not fair!
Hobart is now sitting in my sofa drinking coke and burping. He is pissing around on his phone and waiting for me to finish blogging so he can blog himself. His phone keeps going off. It’s annoying. I haven’t told him yet but if it goes off again I am going to put the phone in the fish tank.
It’s been a few days since my last update and quite a lot has happened during my week off work.Firstly there has been all kinds of controversy surrounding Leeds United. The message board WACCOE was always the first with the information on the proposed takeover.
One minute the takeover was on the next it was off. At present it seems it’ll fall through and the Elland Road stadium may be sold. The next 6 hours could be very good or very bad for the club, worrying times indeed.We should know more at 1.00pm today about what is going on, not long left now…
Leeds United – half bust?
I attempted with success to do my Christmas shopping this week. I can’t stand shopping when it is busy so really wanted to avoid going to town in December where it would be manic, people seem to go crazy at that time of year.
Even going Christmas shopping in November had its stressful moments, most notably in The Disney Store. I was only in there for less than five minutes but the incessant, awful music they were piping out into the store was enough to make one kill themselves with a Mickey Mouse pencil, I’m sure the poor staff who work there must be deaf or robots.
The other day my Argos order for DVD shelves and a coffee maker arrived. Both were very good buys as the organisation of my large DVD collection has been greatly improved. The coffee maker makes some lovely fresh coffee as well although it has made my room smell like a Starbucks.
I went to see Bridget Jones 2: The Edge of Reason at the cinema last night. Good film, although I don’t think it was as good as the first one. Highlights for me included the parachuting scene at the start (watch out for the James Bond reference) and the fight between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth at the end (so everything but the staff in the middle!). At least I was able to enjoy the film without sitting on the edge of my seat like with The Grudge.
My TV is now in the hospital and the good news is that it can be repaired for under £50, I’ll be without it for a week or so, but I can always run it via my laptop so some good news there.
Finally just after my TV starts playing up, the Sky+ box seems to be on its last legs with only four weeks left on the warranty. I keep getting FAILED recordings which is very annoying especially as it meant I missed Little Britain, it had better record the repeat tonight as well as Peter Kay’s Max and Paddy on Channel 4
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
