It is a sad day in Château de Sean. I lost one of my pet fish. When I say I lost it, I didn’t lose it like a friend of mine did to his fish when we were in school. That fish jumped out the bowl, fell behind the cabinet and was missing for days. No, I lost my fish in the same sense that the music world lost Michael Jackson. OK, bad example, the fish didn’t die of an overdose. What I am trying to say, through much sadness, is my fish is dead. He will no longer be sleeping with the fishes.

What’s more, I think it was one of the original fish I bought back in 2006 and not one of the replacements which followed in more recent years. This fish was purchased during the 2006 World Cup. I seem to remember I originally bought five and named them all after members of the England squad. One died on the first day. Probably crocked all along. Serves me right for calling him Michael Owen.

In all fairness, today’s death came as no surprise. This fish had been ill for sometime. It’s was lying on its back for weeks. The fact it kept going for so long, lead me to believe it was just being lazy, which is strange as I don’t remember naming any of the fish after Dimitar Berbatov. Anyway, turns out it must have been dying, which is sad. Still, I did all I could for it and gave it a proper burial *flush*

I should probably stop blogging now and go to bed. A full week of work lies in wait for me tomorrow and I am tired. I always seem to get more tired during the autumn. Sometimes I wish I was a bear or a squirrel – that way I could hibernate. I’ve seen the nature shows, I know how it’s done. All I would need to do is live off McDonalds throughout the whole of the summer, gaining 10 stone and enough fat to see me through the harsh winter. Then just go to bed and sleep until April, awaking to the news that Bath City have won The Conference. I think that may be something to try next year. I’ll ask my boss if I can be given the time off work.

An update on my fish for tonight’s blog. The goldfish I bought two weeks ago are doing well. I was originally worried about their well-being as it appeared they were not eating, or rather were being denied food by the other fish in their tanks. As they are not dead and have been spotted shitting, I can only assume that they are eating and are going to be OK – hurrah!

During my last day of annual leave, I went shopping in town. The sales were very disappointing, so I bought very little. The most interesting purchase that day was from the pet shop, where I acquired two goldfish to accompany the Danios currently in the tank.

I wanted to get one large goldfish, but was advised against it by the lady in the shop as they apparently bully the other fish. I am not sure what this involves – probably name calling and stealing of dinner money.

On reflection, I think it would have been better to ignore the advice of the shop assistant and buy a shark. The two fish I did buy are extremely timid and despite being larger than the Danio’s they tank share with, are always hiding.

When feeding time commences – just before I go to bed, so within minutes of writing this blog – the Danios gorge themselves on the delicious fish flakes I drop into the water. The goldfish are too scared to swim to the top and eat. How long this will go on, I don’t know. But if the problem persists, the two hiding goldfish may become two floating goldfish.

Feeding time would have been more fun with a bigger fish

One of my fish isn’t very well. I have had it over four years now and in its old age, it is starting to swim upside down. When I first saw this peculiar behaviour, I did expect to come downstairs the next morning to see it had stopped swimming altogether and find it floating on the water’s surface; but a week has passed and it is still acting strange and weirdly enough, eating, chasing other fish and generally doing what fish do… forgetting things, pretending to be Jaws and counting it’s fingers.

I did some research on the internet into what causes fish to swim upside down and found out that that it may be constipated. I did think of emptying a box of All-Bran into the tank, but thought better of it. Apparently, to cure fish constipation, I need to starve the fish for 48 hours and then feed it a pea. I had to read the instructions carefully and check it definitely did not say ‘feed the fish pee’ – I did think urinating into the water was not a sensible idea. Yes, I need to give it the inside of a green pea from the freezer – freshly packed by Captain Birdseye himself.

As there are other fish in the tank, asking the poorly fish not to eat for two days, while its friends gorge on delicious flakes, may be a little tricky, but I’ll see what I can do.

The sad and rather worrying news I read on Yahoo Answers (the hub of all knowledge) is that if the fish is not constipated it is probably not long for this world and will be dead soon.

I bought all my fish during the 2006 World Cup and named them after members of the England squad. Unfortunately, as they all look the same, I can’t remember which one is which, but giving its recent ailments and poor health, I think it would be rather fitting if the fish is the one I named Michael Owen.