There was a plague of ladybirds in Bath today. I returned home from work to find almost 20 of the things had crawled in through an open window into my bedroom.
Tomorrow I will be hoping that blood does not pour from my bathroom taps, frogs do not fall from the sky and I do not grow boils all over my body.
I’ve just had to kill a massive moth that was flying around the flat. At least I think it was a moth… going by the size of the beast, it may have been a type of bat.
Remember back on 7th June when I wondered what would happen if you touched a fly killer designed for exterminating flying insects?
Well I found somebody who touched it!!! Better still I have it all on video for you all! You will be pleased to learn that the person touching the zapper did live to tell the tale. You can download the video here.
I must state for legal reasons and for stupid people, this was an experiment undertaken by trained professionals in a controlled environment. We do these tests so you don’t have to. If you choose to try this out yourself Sparkster.net cannot be held responsible for any death, loss of bowel control, schizophrenia, pregnancy or indeed anything else which may happen to you.
However, if you do chose to hurt yourself for fun in a “Jackass” style please upload your clips and send me the links. On a serious note – any attacks on unwilling people (e.g. “happy slapping”) won’t appear on this website but will be forwarded to the police. You may still end up on a website, but it’ll be on this website here.
Earlier on this week I ordered myself one of these electronic fly killer toys you can buy from gadget stores. I’ve used it last night to “take out” two moths which had invaded my bedroom totally uninvited. It worked. I now have two dead moths in my carpet (any moths, butterflies or caterpillars reading, the funeral is for next Tuesday at 2pm).
The thing that is bugging me (excuse the pun!) is I keep wondering how powerful this device actually is! The curious and twisted part of me wants to touch the metal part of the zapper and press the switch while the chicken and Marty McFly part of me is just too damn scared to do so!
Thinking of the scale of the shock, I don’t know if we are talking on the same as those tiny electric oven lighters, in which case it’s nothing scary or is it as nasty as those electric fences that farmers use to keep their cows in line and Ken Bates wanted to install at Chelsea. Maybe it’s as bad as police stunner guns – I seriously doubt it!
The level headed part of me says as it can be bought legally, without a licence and as a novelty, for a human being the shock would be just an unpleasant sensation (or a nice sensation if you’re sick and twisted) and nothing of any harm.
It really does make me wonder though what it actually feels like. Shame I’m too scared to touch it. Anybody who has had experience with one of these, send me an e-mail and let me know what it was like and how brave or stupid you are.
The woodlice invasion seems to have died down since yesterday. However I strongly believe that it is more than just a coincidence that this is following yesterday’s blog entry.
I think this proves the woodlice almost certainly have internet access via some very small laptop and are accessing Sparkster.net. They must have taken the decision to all hide in a hole away out of sight, kind of like what Saddam Hussein did.
Of course the woodlice may have even sent a spy woodlose into the room where I write these blogs, reporting back to the head woodlouse later that day… he could be watching me type now… I’d better spray some RAID Insect Repellent about…
I think I should move onto a different topic as it is unclear who or what is reading this…
Could the woodlice all be hiding, planning an invasion?
Or are they all just dead?
As I type I keep hearing shouts from outside and chants of “Come on City! Come on City”. I guessed that Bath City must be playing this afternoon. After doing a little research it appears they are playing the University team Team Bath (they appeared in The FA Cup a few years back on Sky).
So ‘The Bath Derby’ in The Southern Premier Division. Wow. Really surprised this isn’t being beamed to TV stations all over the world :o) :o)
Lastly, I’m sure you have heard that annoying song McFly did for Comic Relief, It’s All About You. There was a parody of it on the radio which I made available for download. Well I’ve written my own equally terrible parody. If anyone has the instrumental of the original and the vocal talents to record my parody let me know!
It’s all about Leeds United, their manager Kevin Blackwell, his strange team formations, loan signings and the way he persistently plays David Healy, our great striker in midfield.
Another loanee,
Another loanee Blackie,
Another loanee,
Another loanee,
Yesterday you went out scouting for someone new,
Cos were a whole new squad, we need someone new,
Maybe you should sign a defender or a left winger,
But you got another forward, we need someone new,
And I will ask you time and time again,
Get a left winger
We need to play Healy up front,
Why don’t you want to,
So write the team sheet down and put 4 – 4 – 2,
Play Helay up front, not someone new,
And I will ask you time and time again,
Get a left winger
We need to play Healy up front,
Go 4-4-2
Don’t play Wright again either, use Danny Pugh,
Wright is so bloody slow, makes us frown and not smile,
He couldn’t run a country mile
Please go 4-4-2
Go 4-4-2
Go 4-4-2
Go 4-4-2
etc….
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
