I’m off to see Jimmy Carr at The Pavillion in Bath this evening. I’m a big fan of his and am really looking forward to it.

One thing anybody who has seen him live or watched one of the DVDs will know is that a lot of his act involves taking the piss out of the audience and humiliating them to the extent of suicide.

In order to avoid being picked on by Jimmy, I believe precautions must be taken…

• Avoid the first four rows if at all possible (although as you are allocated a seat based upon your ticket, this is generally unavoidable)
• Do not drink heavily beforehand. The worst thing you can do is get up in the middle of his act to go for a piss – red rag to a bull
• Don’t dress like a tramp
• At the same time don’t overdress or wear strange, exotic items of clothing
• If you’re foreign, very old or very young, don’t even think about going

If he does pick on you, here’s what to do…

• Try and think up some witty comeback, but don’t make yourself look like a twat
• Pass the buck onto the poor sod sitting next to you
• If all else fails, call Jimmy a cunt and tell him to fuck off

Yesterday, Simon, Watkins and I went to The Colston Hall in Bristol to watch David Mitchell and Robert Webb’s live show The Two Faces of Mitchell and Webb.

The performance is effectively a live version of the Peep Show star’s successful TV and radio series.

Despite it receiving some negative reviews in the press, I was actually pleased with the show, especially the second half. Most of the sketches were the same as those featured on the TV and radio series, which was the main cause of media criticism, but I didn’t find this a problem. Mitchell and Webb performed these sketches in a different style which suited the stage well.

Highlights of the show for me included

– A Sky Sports presenter announcing an upcoming fixture between Macclesfield and Shrewsbury – “Massively mattering to someone, presumably!”

– A cricket movie created by the catering staff of The Full Monty, where the coach of the Manchester United Cricket Team attempts to beat The West Indies in the Quarter Finals of The Ashes.

– Big Talk and the interaction between Robert Webb and the audience. I must admit, I was a little nervous about being picked from the crowd and expected to ask the panel of boffins an on the spot, humorous and original question

– The charity spoof. “Don’t give money to poor, starving children. Give it to unhappy, hungry Labradors instead”

– The now infamous Numberwang game, this time featuring a Numberflan round. This lead to comedy custard pie being flung onto the set walls.

– The pissed snooker commentators – “Ooh, and that’s a bad miss”, along with their excellent rendition of Table of Reds.

My only criticism of the show was the supporting cast. They performed sketches of their own as fillers in-between Mitchell and Webb’s acts. They took the attitude of “Our acts are so bad, that they’re funny”. I just thought they were bad. The show would have been a lot better if the supporting cast was made up of Paterson Joseph and Olivia Colman (Alan Johnson and Sophie from Peep Show). I was also disappointed at the absence of the Party Organisers sketch.

Overall, a good show and one I would recommend, despite the unfair publicity.