Congratulations to both Ebbsfleet United and AFC Telford who today won their division’s Play Off Finals and will play Bath City next season in the National Conference. That’ll be two new grounds for me to visit.
So the inevitable, but worst possible FA Cup draw was made on Sunday. The most hated league team against the most hated non-league team – Manchester United against Crawley Town. Thanks to whoever pulled those balls out the bag. Twat.
Working for The FA is obviously stressful. Note the nibbled finger nails.
If ever there was a game where both teams could lose, I wish it could be this one. Unfortunately, I don’t think this will happen. Therefore, here are a few scenarios which might make the game involving Evil against Eviler just about bearable….
Armageddon-style, a meteorite heads towards the dugouts at Old Trafford, with no Bruce Willis to save club manager’s Alex Ferguson or Steve Evans.
OK, maybe that was a little harsh... maybe
There is a mass brawl between both sides, with the referee sending ten players off. Following the game, lifetime bans are issued and points deducted for both sides, causing relegation.
Police raid Old Trafford and find bags of magic mushrooms, or some other hippy crap, in the players’ bags, leading to lifetime bans and points deducted, causing relegation.
The FA boot both teams out of football for the simple fact that nobody likes them. Unlikely, but I can dream.
Following last nights visit to the ground, I have conducted a list…
– Their stewards don’t let you take cameras into the stadium. Get a grip! It’s a non-league football ground, not Area 51! Let the fans take photos of each other enjoying themselves. As I’m a rebel, I ignored the stewards’ request and took photos anyway… at fulltime, when I was leaving anyway. I’m such a bad ass.
– Their manager, a rather large Steve Evans, spent the whole match pacing up and down the touchline, shouting abuse at the Bath City players, his own players, the referee and just about anything else that holds an existence on the planet. His bad manners and girth were so great, they made Sam Allardyce look like Ghandi.
– I’ve seen a lot of embarrassing half time pleas for support at football games. Delia Smith’s infamous rant in 2005 being one of these. I also remember someone grabbing the microphone at Truro City and singing Eye of the Tiger during the break. Last night, Crawley’s tannoy bloke surpassed all of these on the cringeworthy-scale. At half time, with the home side winning 2-0, a booming south east accent came thundering through the speakers. “THERE’S AN OLD MAN THAT LIVES BEHIND THE STADIUM AND HAS MADE A COMPLAINT!” the Bath City fans stared at each other, stunned “HE SAYS THERES TOO MUCH NOISE GOING ON AND WE NEED TO QUIETEN DOWN!” at this point, even the Crawley fans were embarrassed. “SO LET’S MAKE THE OLD GIT EVEN MORE ANNOYED AND MAKE SOME NOOOOISSSSEEEE!” I was embarrassed for them.
– Crawley Town seem to have found a lot of pennies somewhere underneath the sofa and have been spending lots of money on new players. Never has a song “went for the money” been more appropriate *. One of the non-league prima donnas, Sergio Torres, acted like a typical overpaid footballer and dived for a penalty. Cheat. The game ended 2-1. Had the stolen penalty not been awarded, Bath City would have drawn the match.
* Fair play to their goalkeeper, though. When asked by the travelling Bath City supporters how much he was being paid, he replied, grinning, “a lot!”
– The journey home. OK, not exactly the fault of Crawley Town Football Club, but as we’re having a moan, I may as well blame them for this too. As we came into Bath at 00:40, police stopped the coach. London Road had been closed following an accident and we had to take a huge diversion to Lansdown. I was not in my bed until 1.30am. Never was I more pleased that I had taken today off work as annual leave.
There are other reasons to dislike the club, but it is past my bedtime and unfortunately I have work in the morning. To find out the other 96 reasons, visit the football club yourself. However, I will not be held responsible for any emotional distress or loss of life caused during your visit. Oh, and don’t bring your camera… unless you’re proper hardcore, like me.
Awww… I knew the big fat footie barons had a heart.
I was calling for just such a move at the time of the Setanta collapse. I’m glad to see they decided to give in to my demands.
I think the Non-League Vidiprinter died this evening. Either that, or Forbes is due for an England call up…
About Me
So you stumbled across my blog. No doubt after searching for something bizarre on Google. Before you hit that 'Back Button', why not stay and have a read for a few minutes?
If you are after a website which gives advice on how to hack an iPhone X, download the latest Steven Seagal movie, or view nudy ladies, you've come to the wrong place and may now press 'Back'.
However, if you would like a lifestyle blog, written by a 30-something chap, living in Bath (England), feast your eyes on this.
You won't discover how to copy PlayStation 4 games. What you will find is a blog, covering life in the West Country, the highs and lows of supporting two unsuccessful football teams, while sharing a house with a wife and rabbit.
All written by a man, somewhere on the sanity-scale between normal and eccentric.
